Posted by JenStar on August 29, 2004, at 18:27:02
In reply to babbling about my new therapist, posted by lonelygal on August 29, 2004, at 17:39:15
hi lonelygal,
The part about your friend really resonated with me. Here are some of my thoughts on it!I've found that some of my best friend "in real life" don't really understand some of the things I can talk about here -- depression, anxiety, or therapy.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of making jokes about therapy, or making light of depression/etc. to my friends, which encourages them to do the same, just because I'm embarrassed to let them know how important some of this stuff is. I don't think they are trying to hurt me when they poke fun, now -- they were just following my lead and doing what I "told" them was OK to do. Obviously I don't know if you have ever done the same...but it's something I resolve to stop doing because I don't like the results. :)
Your friend who makes fun of it may be trying to make an awkward situation more pleasant, or might be joking to cover up uncertainty about how to behave. It's also something she's not part of -- a private "club of two" between you and your T -- and she might (subconsciously) make fun of it to try and win you back or get you to believe that therapy is silly.
Worrying and caring about the therapeutic relationship is really very normal - just look at all the books and theories on transference! I think it's also normal that your friend really doesn't understand it. Most people don't, until they go into therapy themselves or have a close relative to into it.
Also, I'm sure your old T doesn't hate you! And maybe you'll really come to like/trust the new one, given enough time? I would also say not to drop therapy just because your friends don't go. Therapy can be really useful for some people, and it's up to you to decide whether or not it's right for you.
About the diagnosis...maybe take it as a starting point? See what happens? What suggestions can your T offer you? I hate labels myself...it feels kind of icky to be labeled. But once you get going with the T hopefully you won't think about the label at all and will focus instead on improving whatever you want to improve. (And if she's just not clicking with you and isn't working out..you'll know in a few sessions...and you can move on to a diff. T!)
I hope things work out. Let us know what you decide.
Keep us updated! :)JenStar
I know this is going to be a poor analogy, but in college one of my best friends decided to rush a frat. He got in, and after that he abandoned (sort of!) the old group. I used to love hanging out with him and laughing with him, and now he was gone with the guys most of the time. While he was rushing, I used to poke fun at the frat and make fun of it, because I felt angry at it (for taking him away). At least, that's how I analyze it now, from a distance of many years!
> i've only met with my new therapist twice now- and she has diagnosed me with adjustment disorder rule out dysthymic disorder. i'm not sure how i feel about this. i dont' like having a 'disorder'.
> i haven't opened up to her at all (of course it's only been two times), but i'm not sure i'll open up to her in the near future at all. i feel like its a waste of my time. i want my old t back, but of course that can't happen, and i'm pretty sure old t hates me now. i feel like i shouldnt go, that it is a waste of $, and the bits and pieces i've told my friends about therapy- well, i always end up getting made fun of for it. one of my best friends is right though that the old t caused me way too much drama and that she thinks it was completely ridiculous how i worried all the time about that relationship. so part of me thinks i shouldnt' be in therapy- that i should just ignore everything and act normal. and also, that i can't be that abnormal, that lots of people have issues, and they dont' go to therapy to talk about them and they are fine. i don't want any drama with new t. and i don't want to be needy and feel annoying and i dont' want her to hate me or leave me or hurt me. okay, i'll stop rambling now.
poster:JenStar
thread:383787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/383802.html