Posted by Elle2021 on July 9, 2004, at 13:40:39
In reply to Re: Very weird question, posted by daisym on July 9, 2004, at 13:25:47
Hmm, I hope it isn't too weird, because I've experienced the same thing! :)
I have had experiences similar to yours and Daisy's. When I dissociate/depersonalize during therapy, it's almost always due to this one specific topic that I want to discuss SO badly, but continue to not be able to even conjure the words inside my head. So there my therapist will be, asking me this very personal question. And away I go, retreating into another state I'd rather not go. I can feel my therapist getting further and further away from me. Her voice sounds loud, but at the same time it sounds inarticulate, and I can't quite make out what she is saying. Sometimes I am able to tell her I'm depersonalizing, other times I sit there completely mute and frozen, unable to say anything except an "hmm" or a nod of my head. It's odd, sometimes I'm not even aware that I am still breathing. If she notices, the she tries to bring me back by telling me to take a deep breath and close my eyes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
As for what you say about "the controller." I think I understand what you mean. It's a part of your body that takes over, but it is STILL you conscious. I've dealt with something like this. And here's my scary part: I hear a voice in my head that says mean things to me. I can't believe that it's really me saying those things to me. I refer to her as "she." Referring to the voice as anything at all, scares me to death. Now, what do you think about that? Have I completely lost it? Please say no.
Elle
poster:Elle2021
thread:364407
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/364433.html