Posted by DaisyM on April 19, 2004, at 20:33:18
I have had a nightmare weekend, beginning Friday when my husband stopped breathing and we almost lost him. He is strong though, and has pulled back up and is resting at home. However, he is on mega-doses of steroids and REALLY cranky...it feels a bit like living in a nightmare.
My Therapist talked me through the aftermath melt down on Saturday and gave me permission to not be strong about it all and to not be ready for him to die. He let me cry with him until I was ready to stop.
Today was my regular appointment and we talked about how if felt to live like Stretch-Armstrong -- being needed at home and at the office and trying to always find the balance. And how no one, no one, understands how really hard and conflicting it is to live with a sick person who isn't nice to you but needs you desperately.
I told him it was impossible to talk about without sounding whiny or without making my husband sound like a horrible person. He told me to say it anyway. And then he asked that really hard question: "Did talking about it help?" I told him, "ummm, not really, it made me see how hopeless it all is, but kind of, because I'm not alone with all of it and at least one person knows I'm not doing well with it all...but..."
Real straight forward answer, huh?! I was upset at the time. Now, an hour or more later, I feel calmer. I'm not as anxious and I know I can handle it, at least one more night. And since I have a phone check in tomorrow, I know I only "have to" handle it one more night until I can let it out again.
So I called him and left him the message, that now that I've settled down, "yes, talking about it DID help, though I don't know why, because nothing has changed." I can hear him grin at that statement from here.
So -- I want to know. Does talking about "it" help you, or get you more upset? And is there a pattern to how it helps, and how long? Just curious...
poster:DaisyM
thread:337911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/337911.html