Posted by utopizen on April 13, 2004, at 1:18:58
I have two incompletes from last semester that have turned into F's, which means I need to get myself off and into my writer's mode again.
I also have acquired a habit of writing every paper in college for the last 2 years as all-nighters.
And now, um, I can't seem to sleep with myself. I recently got Ambien, but I left it in my bag at my salon over the weekend and won't get a chance to get it back until tomorrow.
But besides that, I've been using self-hypnosis for quite some time, a few months straight, and let me tell you: it works. Except for the fact that I use BiPAP (borderline sleep apnea). With BiPAP, I need Ambien or else I can't go to sleep. But the self-hypnosis is great, because there was a time when Ambien use to not work at all before I ever started BiPAP.
Anyone, point is, I am scared of going to sleep. I always think of my work, how little I've done of it in the day, how it's haunting me, how my college is already giving me a conditional acceptance to enter as a senior next year based on me passing my courses and finishing my incompletes, and taking a year off isn't an option.
I transferred into my sophmore year here, so my roommates from last year will be with me next year, and I can't live with myself if I let them down and tell them I can't live with them, they've been living off-campus away from me and I've been stuck with this crazy roommate who's so depressing it's rubbed off on me and now I'm depressed and lonely. I use to be super happy, just last year, just because I had friends as roommates. I know no one else, I can't just let this slip by.
I am totally depressed, it's affecting my concentration levels, even with Desoxyn I have no energy. I'm afraid of everything now, even if I do the papers my two professors can refuse to change my grade back from an F because it's been so long that I've waited over it.
I'm scared to go to sleep. I want to resolve this, but I feel like I'm in some hell, and it's like, this kid I got randomly placed with by mistake has driven me to feel depressed, and I don't know what ot do. Maybe I will finish the papers, walk out of my professor's offices having charmed my way out of things, I don't know anymore. But I'm afraid.
poster:utopizen
thread:335812
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335812.html