Posted by noa on April 11, 2004, at 8:31:56
In reply to When diagnosis becomes identity, posted by skeptic on April 10, 2004, at 20:53:06
I think I would have to say that in the beginning the diagnosis did become a big part of my identity. And then years later when I had a big relapse in depression, perhaps it became more a part of my identity again but in a different way than in the beginning. I guess the way I'd explain my experience of this now is that how 'present' the depression is as part of my identity depends on how severely my symptoms are affecting my functioning at any given time.
But yes, it's always PART of my identity--definitely.
Another factor is that one of the things I've worked on in therapy a lot is the lack of integration in my sense of self because of mood changes---ie, depressed self, and not-depressed self. In other words, I was having a very hard time integrating who I am--when depressed I felt like this is the totality of who I am--always depressed, a horribly person, etc. will never get better, etc. etc. When not depressed, I tried so hard to wish that the depression will not ever come back so I would be vigilant all the time and very anxious and afraid of depression pouncing out at me unexpectedly like some kind of monster, etc., but this meant I was trying to see the 'depressed me' as somehow not part of all of me. In therapy over the years, I have come a long way in integrating this pretty much into all me--depressed and not depressed. There is still work to be done on this, but it's gotten much more integrated than it used to be.
Hope this makes sense.
poster:noa
thread:335038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335114.html