Posted by lonelygirl on March 25, 2004, at 22:22:33
In reply to CBT, attachment, and termination » fallsfall, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 21:08:54
I wonder to what extent one can fool one's therapist. The reason I am so curious about my diagnosis is that I wonder how much my psychologist has figured out. Sometimes, it almost seems like he can read my mind, but he also tells me how reserved I am.
When I initially went for my mandatory counseling, I intentionally downplayed all of my problems. I did mention that I didn't have any friends, and during the first session (after the initial consultation), he sort of latched onto that. I told him that it doesn't bother me that I don't have any friends, and I like being alone, and after that, he didn't really focus on the issue very much, except for occasions when he told me how he thought I should have an "outlet." So I thought maybe he believed me, but he has also said that he can tell I'm lonely and/or scared.
I feel kind of bad sometimes, because I sort of intentionally try to throw him off the track, because I don't know if I want him to realize how crazy I really am. But at the same time, I sort of hope that he will be able to put together the puzzle. Sometimes I wish I could just sit there and confess all to him and cry, but (1) I don't think that would be particularly productive, and (2) I honestly cannot do it. When I am sitting in that chair, I just sort of chicken out.
One time, I was complaining about something, and before he launched into his "problem-solving mode" speech, he said, "Wow. It sounds like things aren't going very well for you." And I got MAD that he said that! I said, "Yeah, well that's because we only talk about my problems. Of course it sounds like things aren't going very well because that's all we talk about!" Except, it was true! If he had, for example, tried to tell me to "look on the bright side," or that "it can't be all that bad," or something like that, I would have been mad about that too. I guess there's just no pleasing some people! I don't know if I want him to think that I am happy and not depressed or if I want him to know the depth of my despair and loneliness. I am kind of afraid if I really tell him EVERYTHING that he will want to commit me or something. He once made a metaphor about chess, and I think that was pretty accurate. We're both there trying to strategize our next move and we don't know what the other's going to do.
I am never really sure if he has me all figured out, or if he is actually completely clueless and way off. It is probably somewhere in the middle, but it could probably be either extreme, too.
poster:lonelygirl
thread:327147
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/328536.html