Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 18:17:37
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 16:27:59
I wish we could have this in real time, too. I'm so confused that my head is spinning.
Now that you point it out, I realize I *don't* think I have an issue with needing or suffocating people. I might have had that problem a long time ago, but I seem to have sorted it out. It's *not* one of the things I'm working on in therapy.
I do, on the other hand, seem to have the problem of blaming or putting the responsibility for my decisions onto other people, either before- or after-the-fact, and I do that with her and it makes her feel "pressure." Which makes her want to pull away and see me less often, for example. I don't think it's the wanting to see her that makes her feel the pressure, but the blaming and wanting her to fix things. And that makes her want to see me less often. Does that make sense?
But I'm so confused right now. I'm not sure I'm getting this right. And maybe the reason I don't have this problem right now in the real world is because she sort of *is* my world, so I'm not vulnerable, clingy, or needy with other people, because she's the only one I feel like doing that with. (And yeah, I would think it's something like this for me, too: >>For me, it is the little kid who wants a safe base, someone that won't fail her.)
>>>If you need your therapist to be that for you, she should. To know your Therapist will be angry at you for showing you need her, I don't think that this makes it safe for you to be honest.
I agree. It puts me in a really bad situation where I end up being kind of passive aggressive (?) -- rather than asking for what I need, I send her a sort of coded request for what I need. That's what I did yesterday. I wanted her to reassure me, and I wanted to just ask for that, but I was afraid that would be putting too much "pressure" on her. So, instead I emailed her and said I felt terrible and thought she hated me and wished we could rewind and redo that session and talk about something else. And she ended up understanding the code (it's probably not that subtle and she's perceptive) and reassuring me, but I think it would be better if I felt like I could be more direct about what I need.
Your idea about checking up at the end of the session is a good one. I also think I should get her to clarify her weekend "policy" if she has one, just so I *know* what the boundaries are. I have a feeling she doesn't have one.
I'm also thinking of bringing in some of the posts on this thread and showing them to her on Monday, but I'm kind of scared to do that (I've told her about Babble but I haven't ever shown her a post -- it makes me feel very exposed, the idea of doing that). Also, I'm afraid it would just take too long for her to read the whole thread, and I feel like it's important for her to read the whole thing. Ugh. I'm silly, aren't I?
Thanks, Daisy. Your posts are extremely thoughtful and helpful.
poster:crushedout
thread:325818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326204.html