Posted by Racer on February 22, 2004, at 12:35:29
First of all, thank you and a thank you to Dr Bob. It's so nice to have such great support here, especially being able to get feedback from a professional.
I have two related questions, the first of which is probably the over-riding issue.
I'm a little bit of a control freak. In working situations, I feel anxious when I have to delegate anything important, because I'm afraid it won't be done right if I don't do it myself. And, of course, it takes less time to do it than to explain to someone else what needs to be done. At home, I do the same thing with my husband, although we're both working on it. (I'll ask him to vacuum, and he'll do such a half-@$$ed job of it that I end up doing it again myself so that it's done right. He's finally hearing my frustration, with the help of a marriage counselor, and is trying.)
My now ex-therapist just got promoted out of clinical practice, and I'll be starting in a bit more than a week with a new therapist. I'm already overanxious about the sudden change, and about whether I'll be able to work with the new therapist (nervous after meeting her, not before.) Not surprisingly, I have major trust issues, too.
That's all background so that the situation is a little clearer. The question is this: I keep wanting to sit down with the case manager of the program that's seeing me, the therapist, and the pdoc and discussing a plan to follow in my treatment. I haven't said anything about it because I'm way too mistrustful, of myself as well as of them. On the one hand, I think a treatment plan that I'm aware of, and the reassurance that we're all someone in the same book, even if not on the same page, would be beneficial to me. On the other hand, I worry that this is just more of that same need for control and structure, and, as such, another symptom of my own psychopathology. And on the gripping hand, I'm feeling so adrift, tossed to and fro by the waves of a situation so far outside my control, that I really feel as if the reassurance that we're not just rolling along without a destination might really be the most therapeutic thing for me.
If it helps any, my dx is plain vanilla unipolar depression. MAJOR depression, overwhelming depression, but the only complicating factor is suicidal impulses. (Hey, we give our pets the priviledge of avoiding an unbearable existance. Why shouldn't it be available to us?)
So, now that I've asked the first question, I think I'll let you add your thoughts without adding the distraction of the second.
And I think I'm mostly asking for reassurance that the three facets of my dilemma are valid, and whether I'm hiding from myself that the second is the most valid, or if there really might be value in at least suggesting that all the players get together to make up some sort of treatment plan.
Thank you again for giving of your time. I hope that you get something out of it, too, because I'm sure we'll benefit more than you'll know from what you offer us here.
poster:Racer
thread:316471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316471.html