Posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
I went to therapy yesterday and my therapist wants me to now write a paper discussing how i view myself, how i think others view me, and how they ACTUALLY DO view me. I was supposed to talk to the people closest to me and see how they perceive me. I had to have this done by wednesday but today i was interviewing one of my people and they said some things that I didnt like...(which i was prepared for) BUT, i already feel down on myself about the way that I have treated others in the past and now im hearing stuff that I already know about myself and it hurts me to hear it come from other people...I know how I am, I just hate hearing that other people think this about me. I didnt know that I was coming across this way. Granted I am NOT a bad person but I feel HORRIBLE. Anyway, my friend said that she thought i was too dependent on my therapist and I am...but, i have now heard this soooo many times and im too the point where i want to prove to others that I am not what they think that i am...(dependent) even though I am...This is what i have done...I cancelled my appts for the next three sessions. I figure that IM going to prove to others that I can go for a while without talking to my therapist. I hope i can, if not..im really going to go crazy...but I hope i can do this. I meet with my psych. on the tenth to evaluate my medicine and I want to try and talk to her about how overwhelmed I am...so i wanted to cancel every session until i meet with her. My therapist is wonderful dont get me wrong but, I REALLY dont want her to know how others view me...maybe im just chicken, but im just scared I guess. I hate being me. Im expecting that im going to get a call from my therapist wondering why ive cancelled the appts and I will deal with that as it comes but I wish that I was a different person..I cannot stand looking at myself in the mirror right now because all im seeing is a person that is annoying and it is so frustrating...yet at the same time, im trying to prove that I can go without speaking to my therapist and this is probably when i should be talking to her ...i dont know what to do...:(
poster:Pandabear
thread:309060
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309060.html