Posted by Medusa on January 18, 2004, at 9:54:01
In reply to Re: depression's selfless function, posted by cordy on January 18, 2004, at 9:36:08
> Is this to understand
probably not for either person specifically, but to give you insight for future depressed people you might encounter ...
> Depression or no, I have no forgiveness for him.
>Heh. "Forgiveness" is highly overrated and oft misunderstood. Those who request (or demand) it often want absolution from responsibility for their contributions to very hurtful situations. They want clean slates, reconciliation, a smiling "of course I'll forgive you" and a big warm fuzzy hug. And it's held over the heads of those who don't comply, "if you can't forgive you'll be bitter" and so on. Lots of books about the healing power of forgiveness, and not too many on standing up and taking responsibility for your own idiocy, aggression, and various other shortcomings and weaknesses. Wonder why that is?
The family systems stuff isn't about forgiveness or letting anyone off any hook. In fact, it's more about investing more in your own individuation and less in other people's games. About setting limits and not letting others get away with things that other approaches would suggest to "forgive". There are different schools of thought within family systems theory, and so far I've read mostly just from one school. I've seen it work amazingly well in a few instances already ... it's not the kinder-gentler way at ALL, but for those who have the guts to go through with some pretty harsh maneuvers, the pay-off is rapid and significant.
I sound like I'm selling snake oil, don't I? ;]
poster:Medusa
thread:300616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/302274.html