Posted by bookgurl99 on July 27, 2003, at 8:41:34
A good friend of mine has DID and BPD.
She is preparing to move. Lately, she has shifted from a reasonable person to an immensely manipulative, rude person.
For example, I have done a lot of favors in preparing her to move, and have done extra things even when not feeling well to help. (For example due to her knee condition, moving an unwieldy conditioner from one hot attic apartment to her home on the hottest day of summer.)
However, because there was _one_ favor I could not do, she has become quite childish and is treating me with reluctant kindness.
This included making a hand-decorated cardn about how I've been a good friend all these years. And then, in the note, writing: "And thanks for doing me that favor!" and crossing the favor part out in a straight line so I could read through the line. The effect, I think was to make me feel guilty for not doing the _one_ favor, and to sort of 'cancel out' the rest of good things the card said.
What the hell is this all about? I don't even know how to respond. Obviously, this is black and white thinking -- she is weighing one favor I could not do against numerous ones I have done and my friendship over the years. Using the one favor I can't do as proof that I never cared.
I am beginning to understand why other friends fled after she became ill. But, I don't want to flee -- she's moving soon anyways -- I want to put up appropriate boundaries and have an appropriate response.
Any insight to this? What's an effective way to respond?
poster:bookgurl99
thread:245787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030711/msgs/245787.html