Posted by alexandra_k on November 17, 2005, at 0:58:07
I have been thinking about this for a while now...
Philosophy was about...
Well. I just enjoyed it I suppose. I didn't mind that most of it didn't seem relevant to real life (in fact I was attracted to that stuff, I considered that to be one of the main virtues of the subject). I just enjoyed it for its own sake. And loved it for its ability to distract me from the real world.And then... I guess I got to wanting to learn about... What is wrong with me. So... Philosophy of psychology. And then... Philosophy of psychopathology. And then... Needing to do that and make sure it still counts as 'philosophy'(within the so called 'Canberra plan' of philosophy where philosophy is on a continuum with the natural sciences and the role of philosophy is to integrate the findings of the natural sciences) And my interest in emotions... Was once again part of the 'what is wrong with me?' enterprise...
Hmm.
But... Theres gotta be more to life than being driven by this question that I've been asking myself ever since I was a little kid. Theres gotta be more to philosophy than worrying about how to offer an appropriate analysis of indexicals or whatever...
I want to feel like I'm living a worthwhile life...
I want to feel like I'm engaging in something meaningful...And maybe its about...
Thinking that my existence... Thinking that the world is better off for having had me in it.
Doing something worthwhile.
Or at least... Trying to do something worthwhile.
Maybe I could go work for the UN or something. I dunno...
For me... Meaningful connections are what makes life worth living. Thats why Babble is so important to me. Because I feel connected to people here. When I read what they have to say and connect with that. When I post what I have to say and other people connect with me in response.
But I cringe away from people IRL much of the time. The other day... One of my good friends... She said to me that she was amazed. That I phoned another friend up and he said he was hanging out with her and... I asked if I could join them. She said that... I never would have done that before. That I would have thought that they didn't want me around. And that for the first time... I hadn't done that... And she thought that was really good.
I knew I was fairly bad with that... But she is a pretty good friend... And... I didn't realise that I was that bad at that. That I did that with them. That I was that obvious along with it.
:-(
I got to talking with my officemate today...
And... Hmm. He said that New Zealand has the fastest growing divide in the distribution of wealth. Its still smaller than most.... But its the fastest growing.
:-(
I don't know why...
But I think things are shifting...
There is a big world out there...
And I want to be able to say that I helped with my existence
I helped more than I harmed
Or at least... That I tried.I guess... Philosophy was my escape from reality. When I couldn't face reality I'd turn to logic or metaphysics or an analysis of language.
But maybe... Philosophy can help construct a better reality. I don't know.
But...
I want to be a good person.
I have so much to learn :-(
Because of course...
It starts on the individual level with me and how I conduct my own life.
With the things I do already that I believe to be wrong...
But that I continue to do regardless.:-(
I'm afraid of ethics :-(
But we will see...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:579530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20050924/msgs/579530.html