Posted by rjlockhart37 on February 5, 2023, at 17:45:14
hello, its rj - thought i need to write about my self and life. I've written all these logs and messages about christianity, and being saved, but i would like to tell about me
So, this may be messy in format, and bit hard to read, but this is sincerely accurate about everything. I don't want to tell everything because it would seem irritating and loathing to read b-llshit. So, in keeping this on main timeline. So, ill begin with high school, high school was bittersweet timeline. But when i was in high school i hated it, didn't get along with many people and i got gossiped about by a girl that didn't like me, then she spread lies and gossip about me, that spread to the entire high school. Yes, she hated me so much, that she wanted to make everyone in the high school not like me. So, people would give me side eye looks, and would see me and begin to whisper and stare. I was in history class, and was sitting in one of the rows, a cheerleader who didn't know me, and others, leaned over to one of the high school mascots, and said there some guy named ma*tt that has a crush on you, and wants to make out. I listen to this entire thing, then she slowly moved her eyes to me, and realized i was sitting right there in frount of her. She backed up slowly, and walked back to her seat. The guy just started in blank look realizing it was me. I didn't know what to do, but realized it was the gossip that got spread, and it just happened right in fronts of me. I was quiet and ignored both of them, and continued class. I didn't really talk to people, but i realized this girl was spreading major lies to the whole high school. This was a big high school, around 2500-3000. I walked through the high school in shock, this was happening. I started to take more adderall, to give ore of stimulant effect, i noticed amphetamine caused increased confidence.
I walked through the high school, in high proud look with a sleek walk to show i didn't care what they thought, and walked with confidence. I learned how to walk in cool manner, learned this walk smoothe, to show people, you know, f-uck you, im better. So, this went on for about 2 years and I had to maintain this confidence walk, and personality, and kept taking more adderall to sustain this confidence. I got to point where i started deteriorating in classes, i broke down, my doctor prescribed me ativan - sedative to help the anxiety and the pain i was going through, also to make me sleep. So i was taking adderall and ativan my last year of high school. My last year of high school i remember well, but i went to class, did the work, then went home, and took ativan to ease the pain. The last months of high school, was planning what to do after high school, there was not much going on, just class, then home. I remember people, that talked to me, they were younger, and liked me. I wish i could go back to see them again, but there all grown up now with families and careers.
After high school, was a ride of going to hospitals, working for long time, stimulant use to help defient places in my brain. They all made a big deal that stimulants are bad, you know - amphetamine, but read stimulant treats deficiency in my brain. They took me off it, and left me in desolation for 12 years, mom then gets mad when i can't do things that require stimulant, there have been so many fights and rages against it, i got kicked out of the house, then moved back in, took me off it again, endless fights and suffering. I've just drifted for 12 years, they put me on manic depressive medication - lithium at a high dose, that doesn't even help the manic episodes, all lithium does is kinda dull me out, sometimes it help depression but it's just, I've been exiled from society for 12 years because of all this deal. They have me on big dose of lithium with antipsychotics, threw me on all of this manic depressive medications. So, that is the short story, even though its too much info. This is what happened. So...
But i do have a place to live, thats it. Jesus said remain faithful till the end, no matter how much suffering and pain, remain faithful. So, i've becoming just ... to remain faithful, to repent of my sins, realize there's no blessings but you keep the faith, because it's said those who remain faithful till the end shall be saved. People in desolate places, with nothing but villages, and basic things like water from wells, and hunting for food, there are chuyrches in those countries or places, they believe in christ, and have faithfulness. I think the world, much of the world that is indulgent, in sinful things - lust, you see lust all the time in magazines, with dirty mind sex activies, shopping and materialism, greed and nothing but money, money is their idol and they serve money as an appetite. There's nothing wrong with having alot of money, people in bible were wealthy and they were faithful to god, but the world that lives in the deadly sins, mainly vanity and they don't know it. There world is mainstream of sin, it's normal to have dirty sex, live in vanity indulgence in materialism, having gossip and vain things. I think Jesus said to save people, but to also save them from the deadly sins, because most....i hate to say it, its true, most of the world is going to underworld after they die. It is a terrible place, of torment and punishment of unrepentant people who indulged in sin. Hellfire is a massive place, there are trillions of people there. Just walking down the street and seeing people gamble, and buy lottery tickets for money, it's shocking to know that most of all that stuff, is leading to hellfire. So, please don't be offended by what i just said, you don't have to accept it, but just read it, and know why I said it.
Jesus said, save as many people as you can. My main...log, is to remain faithful to god, no matter how much pain and suffering there is, remain faithful having hope in him. Having faithfulness, during desolation and suffering, can give a sense of hope. I'm doing that, im suffering, and all you can do is remain faithful. Turn from the sinful things of the world, and follow the laws the god made, the 10 commandments
The sins he warned about, lust, Vainglory (pride, puffed up since of self), Greed - (wanting the desires of money and of the world and people), Vanity (wanting of materialism, vain luxuries, excessive make up and over use of jewelry and ornaments on body), Envy - (wanting of others traits, or possession, jealous, it is evil because cain killed abel because of his envy inside him) Lust - (dirty sex, flesh desire of sex and sexual wanting), Gluttony - and drunkenness - (eating food like a pig and getting drunk everyday), Wrath - (excessive anger, vengeance, kill, inflict of wickedness and pain), and Sloth - (doing nothing, laziness or doing nothing to things that morally need action on). Those are the deadly sins. Remain faithful, avoid the deadly sins, save other people, and have kindness. There are some christains who are brutal and just immorally apathic. Have kindness and forgiveness, treat people with goodness as jesus did. Your valuable, and that is true, so blessed be to you. Find goodness, no corruption evilness in heart. Thank you for reading, and blessed be to you. End of log
"There comes a time in your life where you have to choose to turn the page, write another book, or simply close it"
-Shannon L Alder
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1121736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20210905/msgs/1121736.html