Posted by BabyToes on April 26, 2010, at 8:51:19
In reply to Re: How can we make Dr. Bob not feel put down?, posted by PartlyCloudy on April 26, 2010, at 6:33:42
> > Anyone have ideas that maybe could help Dr. BOb not feel put down when someone jokes with him, that would lead him not to block people? I feel he could have a chance to grow and learn. This site is about education, and everyone has the ability to learn and grow.
>
> Maybe this is an issue that Dr. Bob has, and not one that the poster has. That is, it's not about us (or one of us) posters, but about HIS perceptions. XXX is being uncivil - is that true? Is that REALLY true? (that's a page out of the book of Byron Katie, "Loving What Is".
I agree it may not be the posters, but his perceptions.It is his site, but does that give him the authority to do decide what is considered civil and what isn't? I feel that civility doesn't seem to be working from BOTH direction, which leads to incivility itself. Just what qualifications does he have to decide what is civil and what is not? Just owning this site isn't a qualification. So pushing ones own views onto everyone else may not be considered to be civil to begin with.
> Which reminds me that, yes, BT, Dr. Bob DOES get a cut from the double quote links to Amazon if they lead to a sale. It's a way of funding the cost of running these boards.
I can see why that would be beneficial. But coming from someone who claims to be SO BUSY. It would seem it would be more beneficial to use the time actually answering posters questions about rules, etc. than plugging Amazon. How many plugs have we seen over the weekend. How many poster's questions got answered? How many posters got blocked? It all goes hand in hand.
>
> The difference between a joke, a comment, something being taken out of context... all of this is a huge challenge in online communication. I think that no emoticon in the world can substitute for face to face discussion.
> Or, as Dr. Bob has said, "it's an issue."
I agree, so I feel there should be some leeway without the harsh rules when a post could be in doubt. Especially when a poster is joking.I wonder if Dr. BOb does have an issue from the past that makes him feel triggered when he is joked with, especially about mental health. Is giving out blocks according to HIS standards on HIS site a way to get some "payback" from his past? It does feel very personal.
I mean recently he said something to the effect that learning to be civil is a life skill. But so is learning to take a joke. So is learning that one's own perceptions of what constitutes incivility is not always agreed with by society. Is it right to force one's views about should be THE LAW? It is his site, but that doesn't mean that he can do whatever he wants. That is evident because hundreds have left because they don't agree with his perceptions. It is a valuable life skill to know that one's way is not the "only way." When this skill is not learned and is in the hands of those who use power above other people we can see what has happened in history. But in this case, Dr. Bob's only power is to block as he sees fit. Our power would be to stay or go. But just because someone stays doesn't mean they agree with the way things are run either.
So Twitter, Facebook, and now NY Times articles will not be the goldmine of repairing this site. Changes have to happen from "top to bottom" at this point. Eventually I hope he will be able to see that maybe he had a role in the disappearance of many people. Only he can change that for himself. Many people have tried to reason with him that his rules are too harsh, among other things. This site was NOT his site, but ours together as posters, as you can't have one without the other. So it is up to him whether or not he decided to bend his own perceptions of incivility or at least give others some leeway, instead of everything being so black and white. As in, Dr. BOB's perceptions are always right, and posters are wrong when it comes to discrepancies of what is considered "incivility".
poster:BabyToes
thread:944420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100321/msgs/945125.html