Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on June 22, 2009, at 14:21:52
In reply to Re: We could talk more abt handling blocks better., posted by Nadezda on June 22, 2009, at 10:55:23
Nadezda, these are all great ideas. You have really taken a wise-minded approach to these sticky issues (don't know/can't remember if you ever tried DBT, but in DBT-speak, wise-minded means balancing emotional mind and rational mind to come up with what works effectively).
Phillipa, Seldom, and Dinah--all great inputs too!
> Thanks so much for the responses, Phillipa, Seldom, and Dinah.
>
> I agree with Seldom and others, that except in the case of repeated and blatant (we could come up with some functional definition, even if it would also create disagreements in practice) violations of civility, blocks should be limited to a short period-- I hate to cause more headaches for Bob-- but this seems too important not to work on solving.
>
> With the long blocks, people not only get really hurt and are deprived of support and companionship, but feel like pariahs where they looked for support and acceptance-- and that, to me, is unacceptable. Where people repeatedly hurt others-- maybe it becomes necessary. But it would be rare, I hope.
>
> I was just thinking that we could possibly set up some more safety nets-- I think allowing babblemail is a great idea-- and one that seems to be not only just, but easy to implement. I hope Bob seriously considers your suggestion, Dinah.
>
> Even a discussion of how feelings of shame and self-reproach make blocks unbearable, when they could be sad or hurtful but not really damaging-- might help people feel less alone and pained. At least I was thinking that if we did that we could--if we're blocked or PCBed-- remember or feel that others were pulling for us. It could take some of the focus off Bob--who really isn't involved in these things very much, but who seems to be on many posters' minds. I wish, too, that we feel more of a connection to the deputies-- who are sometimes seen as hurtful and abandoning-- or rejecting--and harsh-- when I can only imagine that PBCing and blocking must be rather painful and awkward for them, too. And they are after all posters themselves-- and as concerned and caring too-- I just regret that everyone else's concern and empathy with the hurtfulness of being blocked is forgotten-- and the imagined contempt or dislike of Bob, the deputies, and others becomes so intense-- And it seemed that if we made that support by us "bystanders" more palpable, it might have some effect.
>
> I was thinking we might create not only a sense-- but some mechanisms for counteracting these feelings-- maybe buddies-- as we used to have for checking out posts-- or something more than the formulaic statement about "this doesn't mean I don't like you..." etc-- which to me doesn't exactly radiate warmth and support..
>
> This may not be possible--and a discussion may not be possible-- or help much. I just feel that blocks are experienced as much worse than they need to be, however much one is deprived of companionship and the ability to interact-- I do think the babblemail option and chat could really help.
>
> And I know that many are simply discouraged and too angry to rethink this-- but I just regret that there's been so much pain caused-- and that there isn't more we can do to mitigate it in the future.
>
> Nadezda
poster:Amelia_in_StPaul
thread:902488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090529/msgs/902626.html