Posted by confuzyq on July 5, 2007, at 11:27:02
In reply to Re: holding the sh*t, posted by Dr. Bob on July 5, 2007, at 2:17:14
Thank you, I do appreciate you thinking some more about this and offering the below. For example, to me, "holding" something for someone that they can't yet deal with themselves almost implies some kind of compassion and kindness, and I couldn't see a 33 week block under the given circumstances as that, I just couldn't. So it's at least somewhat alleviating to have it conceded that elements of the "decider's" own stuff can sometimes be involved.
> > Can't quite figger it, other than I think there's some grain of truth there somewhere, but I don't think this would be a general rule, but it could be a sometimes thing.
> >
> > M
>
> > I don't agree with it completely either. I also don't think it's necessarily a good idea or the best way to handle things, implanting the thought in suggestible, conflicted, vulnerable, etc. etc. people (some of whom may need more than anything else to learn to draw lines and stand up for what they believe is right) that when something doesn't sit right with them, it's usually their "own stuff." Of course that's true for everyone sometimes (and more of the time for some than others). We're humans. If I graduate from shrink school does that mean that anytime someone is annoyed with me or disagrees with how I do things or if I do them consistently, it gets to be "their stuff?"
> >
> > confuzyq
>
> Sorry, I did try to be clear before that this was only one of a number of angles that could be examined -- a sometimes thing -- but still I think I should rephrase that. How about:
>
> > But instead of saying we "hold" it, it might be clearer to say I sometimes allow myself to be seen as abusive or angry or sh*tty or something and don't insist that I'm innocent, with good intentions, saintly, etc.
>
> Also, I meant to say something about perceptions and certainly not to imply that anyone actually was abusive or angry or sh*tty.
>
> Also, I agree that this idea can be misused to avoid taking responsibility for something that's deserved.
>
> Thanks for being open to exploring something sensitive,
>
> Bob
poster:confuzyq
thread:765530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070702/msgs/767838.html