Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2007, at 13:22:04
In reply to What will happen to Babble..., posted by tofuemmy on April 22, 2007, at 12:48:49
It does hurt. And I do want to give up.
I really don't understand how people can believe the things they're saying, when if what they were saying was true, how could the administrative board looks like it does right now? If you see who is certainly not blocked, and not even pbc'd, how can it be said that we weild hammers on those who disagree with us?
If you look at my PBC's over the past few days, how can it be seen as favoritism?
I try so hard to do what is right, because doing what is right is important to me. I cry when I read posts, but I don't retaliate with blocks or PBC's. I only give them when something is in violation of the civility guidelines of this site. I try to do what Dr. Bob would do under the circumstances.
I keep repeating my mantra to myself, and I keep reminding myself that whatever people may think of me, I know what's in my heart.
But I do want to give up. I feel so hurt. So many people saying these things are people I've spent time with in chat, people I've tried to be supportive to over the years. People who should know that not only do I not act vindictively, but I go out of my way to not hold grudges. How many times have I responded supportively when I didn't have to, and when I could have thought I had reason not to. But I try not to think of individual acts and to see a person as the whole of who they are. I try to see the good people are to others, even if they don't particularly seem to care for me.
I do want to give up.
There are other deputies, and maybe they don't feel so hurt, and maybe they don't feel so discouraged.
And I can see how this can be read all wrong too. Dinah thinking she's so good, Dinah putting down others. When all I'm trying to express is Dinah hurting and Dinah trying to do what is right despite hurting.
poster:Dinah
thread:752412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070304/msgs/752424.html