Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2006, at 9:42:41
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
I find my greatest tool in dealing with feeling provoked is to get up and walk away from the computer for a while. Sometimes a bit of distance is what I need to put a post in perspective or to figure out why I'm responding so strongly.
A civility buddy is often quite helpful. Not only can they help you choose what you should or shouldn't say on board, but you can blow off all the steam you wish to them off board. You don't even have to asterisk the naughty words.
I often write scathing replies which I never send. Gotta be careful on that one and not out of habit hit submit. Writing it in Word would be safer, but doesn't seem to have the same cathartic appeal.
And I sometimes contact Dr. Bob by email and try to convince him that the posts in question *do* violate the civility guidelines or are not supportive. But off board, so that I am not violating the civility guidelines myself by characterizing them as such on board. If he ever implements the "report this post" button, that will be an even easier option.
I sometimes decide to reply, but write and rewrite until I'm sure that my post reflects only I statements, and run it by my civility buddy to doublecheck.
Sometimes I go have a good cry. Or sputter to my husband or therapist.
Those are my techniques for dealing with what I do when I feel provoked.
I also (occasionally) realize that sometimes I might feel provoked but the other poster might have completely different reasons to post than to provoke me. Perhaps thay believe something very strongly because it worked for them, or because of something in their own background. And that whatever my assumptions are about their intentions, I should at the very least not describe them on board, which could be seen as a violation of the civility guidelines.
poster:Dinah
thread:603977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060111/msgs/604792.html