Posted by Racer on August 4, 2005, at 22:58:40
At this point I no longer care if I am blocked or not, and hope that others will at least indicate whether or not they agree with me here.
{deep breath}
Dr Bob, while I think that it's great to have posted guidelines and rules, it seems to me that it is impossible to codify every circumstance in a way that is always effective. I am both concerned and quite upset that the situation here on Admin has gone on so long and upset so many people so deeply without a little more input from you. Although it's wonderful that you are trying to create a "safe" place for us to practice our civility skills, and to work on learning to adjust to the sorts of stressors most of us have to face here and there in Real Life, and all the rest of it. Great, wonderful, just primo.
The fact is, though, that Real Life usually has some protections for us -- if someone stalks me in real life, for example, I can go to the police, who will take a report even if the person in question has not broken any laws per se up to that point. (I know this, because I had to do it in college, back in the 80s. Just to make this perfectly clear: this point is illustrative, not specific to anything that has happened here.)
In the same vein, I really believe that it is time for you to step in and model some reality testing in regards to some of Lou's posts. While it may be that Lou is skirting within the LETTER of the guidelines, and it might be good for us to learn to get along with people we find upsetting, it is also good to set limits -- and sometimes it's just plain best for the group that ONE person is not permitted to continue disrupting the entire group.
For what it's worth, I am very concerned about Nikki. This subject still seems to be upsetting to her, and she has stated numerous times that she feels harrassed by Lou's posts about what she has written. In checking back on some of the other threads involving the two of them, I see that you actually did give what sounded like a pretty clear determination to Lou:
"Lou, it's now up to you to deal in some other way with posts by her, for example, by not even reading them.
Bob "
(http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/410814.html)
Please, Dr Bob. I realize that we all have the right not to read posts we think are likely to upset us. I realize that for some of us this may include all posts by certain posters. I also realize that it means that some of us here might choose not to read any posts by Lou Pilder. In my case, by the way, I really only read those that are either pointed out to me by other posters or those that Babble Buddies of mine are involved in. And when I see that those Babble Buddies are upset by something that is written, I do tend to get a bit het up by it. Please protect us a bit more from behavior that has been so upsetting to so many of us here? Please provide some appropriate limits -- even if they cannot be codified precisely -- and model some reality for ALL of us here?
For the record, I believe that NikkiT has been an extraordinarily valuable member of this community for a very, very long time, and it upsets me that she can be hurt by Lou's posts so many times without your protection. I would hate to see her leave because she feels unsafe, but I hardly blame her for feeling unsafe here at this point.
I believe that it is in everybody's best interest for you to impose some more limits here. Even if they may be considered arbitrary, helping the rest of us feel safe here again -- for many of us it is our most comfortable source of support, literally a life line -- and I believe it would also be good for Lou to be asked to moderate his behavior in order to promote a bit more responsive to other people's feelings. Reality testing, if you want to think of it that way.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read what I have to say.
poster:Racer
thread:537677
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050728/msgs/537677.html