Posted by Susan J on August 22, 2003, at 7:21:25
Lou,
I'm sure nobody means to defame you at all. I'm sure no one means to hurt your feelings, if you feel hurt. I know you are a valuable poster here and I've seen some of your supportive posts to people. I think one was to Music, a pastor's wife. I'm certain that brought her great comfort.
But I see a tone of frustration in your posts. If I'm wrong, I apologize. But it bothers me when someone is hurting, and frustration is just another way of hurting.
As I'm sure you know, there is SO much to communication that we cannot use here to express ourselves. No facial expressions, no body language, no tone of voice. We have to rely on the precision with which we choose our words, and also know that a group of words is going to have a *tone* to them. And often, this tone can be misconstrued. And just as often, I think, we can write something that frustrates others without meaning to.
For example, I sincerely don't want to offend you in any way with this post. But perhaps the words I've chosen aren't conveying that, and you might feel offended or hurt by what I'm writing. Or think I'm being condescending, which I'm not. If I am frustrating or offending you -- or anyone else - I try to take a look at my writing style and try to improve on it. We are all flawed, there's no sin in improvement. :-)
The best thing my therapist ever told me was that you cannot control the actions of others. You can only control what *you* do. If you are frustrated at all with how people respond to some of your posts, or feel hurt by them in any way, I might be able to offer some suggestions of what *you* can do to make the situation more comfortable to *you*.
I'm no expert, not by a long shot, but I do write for a living.
Personal question. I've see a lot of your posts offering advice to others, which is great. But most people here are also *looking* for advice and support. I never see you ask for any. Do you ever want to?
Good luck with everything,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:253019
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20030808/msgs/253019.html