i think that is what i was hoping for last night
an accidental od.
i ended up texting my pdoc. he called back within an hour. I'm SO GLAD.
i ended up babbling some over my tears. but told him Everything.
especially about the pills, my urge for taking the powders instead of flushing them.etc \
told him all about my symptoms and all that was going on.
he told me to stop the klonapin and haldol and just take the xanax for now. he told me that the best and safest thing i have is the gabapentin so if i needed i could take up to 2100mg (which i've easily taken even more than that before. but at least that helps calm the agitation a bit.
i did stop the alcohol. as he was very worried about that.
also he told me he would call the office and MAKE SURE they contacted me TODAY.
and guess what. first thing this morning 8:30 the nurse pract called me. anyway she said she would check some things out and give me a call back 'today'.
the secretary called about an hour ago and said she found a pharmacy that still had corepharma Adderall (but 1/2 hour drive from here) and i would never make it before they close. the thing is, i was told 1)they are backordered till 2014 and 2)when insurance called company they told the lead pharmacist for my ins. that they are discontinuing the adder all so i don't believer that just because they have it this once that they can get it again.
i might try to find a website of CorePharma and see if i can call anyone there. course quite frankly i don't know that i'd even believe them.
ANYWAY
i REally wanted to try desoxyn. So she wrote a rx for desoxyn and since no pharmacy in town had it in stock there was one grocery store that could get it in two days. so i went there with rx in town and gave it to her.. however i am a bit concerned that it was only for 5mg. i don't know how they compare but i was taking 20mg Adderall TID ??
AND to top it all off my insurance ends July 31st! #@($*#*^&#$&(()()!!!!!!!!
SO I'VE GOT to figure all this out in 4 days. actually one because they can't order till monday, hoping it will be in tuesday and i think wednesday is the 31st..
WHY!!!! Did this have to happen NOW!!!
GOD i HAD myself right now!
i just want to say screw it all. screw everything and just .just go away.
but again. my ins runs out the 31st. so i'd have to do it before then! so family could at least get some money
i think the 31st is going to be a bit of a danger day for me. i might have to consider hospital.
but no money.GOD WHY NOW!!!!!!!!
i've got to stop thinking and talking about this now.
gotta run.
and ps. when i was on the good adderall, i was NOT having any of my typical auditory or visual 'oddities'. so i dont know that its about the stim but about the dopamine agonist.
thats why i pray desoxy will work because its more like adderall than the other stims.
b2c.
> Actually after reading your posts I'm concerned for your safety. You have bipolar with some psychotic features yet you are using amphetamines?... Desoxyn no less? Plus alcohol...plus hydrocodone...plus xanax...plus klonopin...plus gabapentin. This is not good. I think you need medical attention or you are headed for an overdose.
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this signature | Show by default | Change to hide (next time)"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke