Posted by topdog on April 13, 2013, at 9:37:21
Hi!
This is called anhedonia- the inability to feel pleasure or any emotion whatsoever.
I have no emotions, i remember the time before the big anhedonia started.. like 10 years ago when i was 18..I got excited, fell in love, music sounded alive, i can still remember the fresh sparkling sensation in my chest and the smell of the newly grown grass in spring (aaaaaa, i miss it tooooo much.)
Then suddenly blah, complete silence, like the mind was shut down or like the gas run out, there was no more emotions, no feelings only emptiness and thick anhedonia fog.My fellow travelers, I even can't believe this kind of a state is possible.. how this even exists, how can human being even experience such kind of misery...this is worse than cancer!! This even DOES NOT end! The suffering that we all go through, cannot be even explained in words...no one who has experienced this can even possibly even IMAGINE what has happened to us, this is just impossible. I even can't remember what went wrong anymore! Just like people who are deaf who cannot hear, or people who are blind cannot see, we are emotionally paralyzed, we can't feel anything- how can this thing even happen??! We don't even understand why this world exists anymore, it makes no sense at all! This is just inhumane, and to be honest, I'm not sure I even have the strength to even care about life or anhedonia anymore. Anhedonia is probably the worst thing a person can ever experience... All i ever do is seek a cure for this disease. This is like, you look around and think do yourself- it's just what it is..you can't even relate anymore.
I honestly can't even function in life. There's no point in doing anything if there isn't a reward anymore! I even have deleted some parts of what i just wrote as i even can't concentrate anymore. Every morning i wake up i just can't believe that why am i awake again why do i have to suffer all over again. I even don't understand why am i writing this any more, it will even not be useful!
Sorry for bringing the moral down here, i not trying to be negative(what does this word even mean anymore?)
I just want out of this God forsaken state of mind, this just so impossible to exist like this!
I even don't know if i should post this anymore, i don't even see a point!I even can't take Nardil anymore, this is just so confusing to me!
I started Wellbutrin 3 days ago and i even don't feel better, instead i feel as **** as i did before, is there even any success stories for anhedonia with Wellbutrin?
topdog!
poster:topdog
thread:1042103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130408/msgs/1042103.html