Posted by Christ_empowered on October 26, 2012, at 15:49:18
I think everyone in the general area of my small town got so used to picking on the crazy, "naricssistic" (I think that diagnosis was overturned, not sure though), and stupid person I was that the struggling, smarter, more mature man I've become scares people.
I went through a lot of drugs. People around town (keep in mind: this is a cluster of small-ish, southern towns and small, micro-cities) keep saying "the brain damage wore off" or "I heard they broke through his narcissistic defenses."
Awesome. I took legal action against some shrinks (state medical board through the CCHR) and scored the modern day equivalent of temporary insanity for a violent "high misdemeanor" (wouldn't have resulted in prison, anyway). The shrinks from back in the day aren't pleased with me one bit. They tried to have me committed twice. They failed both times.
I'm a "bad patient." Ill behaved. Don't know my place. I called up someone from a mental hospital where was mistreated 7 years ago. Told her I'd call the state dept. of licensing and labor regulation, since they don't have a statute of limitations in this state. I said I'd try to get her license. I also said that, since they abused me because I'm gay, I'd call the Human Rights Campaign. I had to call another d-bag therapist and say the same thing. I added in that my parents are well-connected and have resources, so a HIPPAA lawsuit isn't out of the question.
Problem: something awesome happened to me, and some people hate me for it. The psychobabble explanations just aren't interesting people as much anymore. I think it was God, personally. Don't attack me for that. My IQ is now at least as high as it was before drugs and pills and medical mistreatment and stress. That shouldn't be the case, honestly.
People--the ordinary people around here--are starting to freak out a little bit. I'm not drugged up, I'm not stupid, I spend too much time alone (where, oh where, does a recovering 28 year old former crazy person get work in this economy?), etc. etc.
I think pushing outward would be good. I have so few friends right now, its crazy. I think I should at least venture out to church. That'd be nice. Get people to see that I'm not some "wounded narcissist" ("narcissism," I've found, can pretty much explain anything you do that a shrink doesn't like. What are you, breathing? Oh..narcissism), and that I'm just recovering from a life time of crazy.
Maybe I answered my own question (?). Point is...I've been restored to reasonable intelligence (awesome..now I can do things), my personality is better (I *was* a d-bag @ age 20), and I'm in the "recovery" phase of my mental issues.
So..just push outward? Sick of being the pariah. Now that I'm not stupid, dull eyed, prematurely aged, or even all that "off," people are showing a mix of respect and fear. Weird. I just want to get on with it. Moving really isn't an option, not when you have 0 job history for the past 5 years, no degree, and your (well-connected, thank God) family has your back locally.
Thoughts?
poster:Christ_empowered
thread:1029892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121018/msgs/1029892.html