Posted by floatingbridge on November 4, 2010, at 21:18:04
In reply to Re: does anyone not want to get better? » floatingbridge, posted by SLS on November 4, 2010, at 17:59:25
> Do you feel doomed?
Yes, sometimes. Being raised with an apocalypse loving family.
>> Our time here is limited, and the losses of past years are irrecoverable. Time continues relentlessly. What guarantees are there that anything will change in the future? None.
>
Yes. I can barely bare it.> Do you experience significant anhedonia?
>
I'm not sure. It was rated significant in Jan at Stanford--I couldn't tell. What is intolerable now is that I can experience some pleasure, maybe even daily, but the remainder I am outside of it. Just tiny windows.
> How is your anxiety level?
It's increased, and I'm taking 1.5 xanax xr daily and extra as needed. For the past few weeks I had been having ptsd triggers, like trapdoors. Very fruitful on one hand, but frightening.>
> > > If I were to act the way I feel, I would remain mute and stare into space; not doing the things necesssary to
survive independently. Somehow, it sounds more comfortable and peaceful to give up and to no longer push. The effort to function and remain a part of society is immense and can be overwhelming. Such effort is nothing short of heroic.
But Scott, how does someone keep on? I don't think I am that strong.
>
>
> > You've dealt with this for sometime. Have you been here before? I guess you have. Does this sort of crisis reoccur?You have found something worthwhile?
> >
> > > Push, push, push.
> > >
> > > It is always push, push, push.
> > >
> > > It gets old.
> >
> > Yes, very, very old.
> > >
> > > Why bother?
>
> > I really am not sure. My child. But even that can not be enough (theoretically speaking today).
>
> > > To discover the answer to this question is to examine your psyche for its motivations to remain alive and reach for the best quality of life that your limited resources will allow, despite the enormous effort required to accomplish
this. It is an investigation of character.
>
> > Scott, I don't have confidence in my character.
>
> It is not so uncommon that people who
have the greatest of characters fail to
recognize it. Look in the mirror. You will see what I'm talking about. I happen to be very impressed by your character.Scott, that is very kind of you. I haven't
been able to clean my house. The mirrors are filmy. I'll talk to my pdoc
tomorrow about this. Since I lost hope of a physical diagnosis, I don't know what to do. The fatigue is terrible. And to admit that I feel beaten is shameful to me. It's not something I can tell my husband. Telling my pdoc will be tough enough.Thanks for writing, thanks for listening.
fb
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>
> - Scott
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>
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C-PTSD currently set to twitch. MDD and comorbid health issues. Chronic fatigue and pain.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:968403
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101030/msgs/968522.html