Posted by vic80 on March 20, 2010, at 6:16:03
Ok I am back again...
Downed my lex today to 15mg to see if it'd make me mentally sharper. Guess one day is too short a window to see any noticable change.Today morning after 1 hour of taking 15mg lex felt a good mood.... but was utterly uninterested in anything.....suddenly felt a sense of futility which made me morbid... then after a couple of minutes felt brain numb... tired and sleepy....unable to concentrate without getting absolutely tired... utterly spaced out and lost.
Past few weeks I tend to lose interest in things in just about a few seconds...any strong reaction seems to fade away in a few minutes which is unlike myself. Cannot think straight.... keep having songs repeating in my head... keep having words/conversations repeating in my head.... unable to plan.... feel zoned out.... withdrawn... when talking to someone zone out within a few minutes.... have flashes of old memories ....
worse stuff: constantly thinking that I am thinking.... constant self awareness - plus the worst bit is that I have little or nothing to think of....this last one is the most annoying and distressing.... makes me have some thought loops that keep on and on.... manifest in repetitive behaviour - googling for the same things again and again.... at the end of the day feel utterly disgusted...
when I am calm feel uneasy... as though some dark-uneasy feeling has been artificially camouflaged.Lex was prescribed 9 weeks ago for anxiety and depression - I guess mainly anxiety... depression appreared only secondary....
The first time I felt thoughtless/emotionless was 5 weeks ago - perhaps the combo of a 9 day old remeron 15mg and lex 10mg caused it.... cold turkeyed on both in a single day.... 6 days later was put back on 10mg lex. Then 2 weeks ago 10-->15mg, 4 days ago 15--->20 mg Lex.
My doc seems to just want to wait for the lex to "show full effect"... Lunesta 0.5 mg (4 days old) helps me sleep but wonder if it is the one slowing me down this badly.
I do not know if what I have is 'thought paucity' or poverty - can make decent conversations... but everything is with a sense of awareness - nothing feels spontaenous anymore... feel like in a stupid daze.... like I am caught up in my head.... this seems to have exacerbate my hopeless feelings.
I need to restart my life.... and I need to feel motivated and enthused by things - 'inspired' i guess... and the current state of lull is not what I needWonder if this is something to do with less dopamine, or is it excess serotonin.... just dont get it...
Or am i just being an escapist....
poster:vic80
thread:940145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100318/msgs/940145.html