Posted by zarathustra on September 19, 2009, at 3:38:52
Hello, its been a very long time since I have posted. I can always count on my fellow "psycho babblers" for knowledgeable insight and advice and really need help. I will try to keep it short and to the point.
Diagnosed ADD + Social anxiety disorder.
Been on Dexedrine for aproximately 5 years on and off, no current psychiatrist or family doctor. I generally goto walk-in clinics for script, usually successfully (10mg TID (IR tablets)).Dexedrine works very well for me, improves focus and attention greatly + energy. However I feel as though I cant function without it, which is true given that I am much more productive, organized, and effective @ work.
Over the last year, I have developed a huge tolerance, and become very stupid and irresponsible at times. I will often take 30mg 4-5 times daily (until it runs out). When the script is renewed the medication is effective (after having to wait 2-3 weeks without any medication), however as each day goes by it seems to lose it effectiveness causing me to take more.
It sometimes gets to the point where I cant feel anything whatsoever. During the 2-3 weeks off, I am useless depressed, unfocused, and lazy (I dont know if this is due to withdrawl, or if its due to not having the benefits of the medication). I now have a psychiatrist who I have seen once so far, I left her a very emotional voicemail last week crying saying I need help and I am addicted to Dexedrine....please dont allow me to have any if I ask, I havent seen her since because frankly I am embarassed and ashamed.
I guess my question is this: Can my tolerance be managed by using holidays, and what are the general guidelines for them? Should I just attempt to give up this drug all together because I am an addict but cant admit it? Am i really addicted to the drug(sorry, "dependant") or am I addicted to the tremendous positive results it can provide? Is there a point where a single dosage of Dexedrine can become sort of "counter productive", meaning is it possible that taking eg 40mg at once will not produce a sort of linear result, that the problem is that I am simply taking to much, and that I have to sort of let my brain "learn" to respond to 10mg again? Is it even possible to 'resensitize' your brain to a small amount of amphetamines again once it has tasted much larger doses? I have been off it for the last month and just started taking it again today, the effects were positive and therapeutic, but I know (or am anticipating) that tomorrow my response will be lessened.Anyway, please ask me questions for clarifications if you need to. I have left alot out of my post only because there is so much to say, but I think I got the point accross well enough.
In the name of Babble.....
Andrew
poster:zarathustra
thread:917650
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090912/msgs/917650.html