Posted by hyperfocus on September 1, 2009, at 15:35:24
I saw your post last month about not doing so well and just wanted to give you some support. I know what you mean about seeing people from the past. The past for me also has a lot of painful experiences and bad decisions that I probably would not have made had I been well. I'm actually terrified of meeting certain people from those dark times. It's not just the memories it would bring up, but I'm ashamed of those people seeing me like this - not having got ahead in life.
Have you ever done any psychotherapy? If you have concrete memories and traumatic feelings about your past it would probably benefit you tremendously to talk some of these things out. You don't even have to see a professional - for me posting stuff here was a gateway to opening up more to a trained psychologist.
I think that for many people with MI there are many dimensions to recovery. It's not enough to rationally know what is right or wrong - reason is just part of our faculties. You have to do psychological work to confront and deal with the past. You have to consciously change how you think and what you do and how you react to feelings, and learn how much in control of certain things you are. You have to ground yourself spiritually and philosophically. Sometimes hitting on the right med might get a person right in all these ways - but other times it may go more slowly. I know for me that working on these things produce measurable changes in me which I could not achieve with meds alone. Do you think your illness is purely biological or is it malleable and can be treated with other stuff besides meds?
Wrt meds I'm not an expert but it seems like it would be difficult to sort out what is doing what in your cocktail. Your cocktail is too large. If you feel like your pdoc is not in touch with how you are feeling then find a new one. The best thing would be to have your psychiatrist working together with your psychologist.
Taing 12.5mg x 3 of tianeptine always produces a feeling of wellness in me. If I could make that feeling last forever I'd consider myself cured. But it doesn't last very long. I read somewhere that tianeptine's action produces a short lived dopamine rush. Not sure what it's effects are long term but it's a good drug to just get up and start doing stuff. The manufacturers of Stablon also came up with agomelatine which also has a unique mechanism. Maybe you could give it a shot.
Hang in there, we'll all get to that place one day.
poster:hyperfocus
thread:915284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090826/msgs/915284.html