Posted by uncouth on May 5, 2009, at 20:23:37
In reply to Re: rilutek / namenda harm?, posted by Nadezda on May 5, 2009, at 16:35:54
you are right to be confused becuase that is what i am myself -- extremely confused. i am in the process of massively simplifying. the past few weeks of ect has caused some drug and supplament seeking behavior, combined with the memory loss of ect, means i am doing some very stupid and counterproductive things with med trials and the like.
today's ect has hopefully 'shocked' some sense back into me. i have put away half the supplament/vitamin/med bottles on my bathroom countertop....so no, not taking tianeptine. did about a 1 week trial of riluzole, mood got very bad last weekend (of course, with everything else i'm doing i can't say for sure it was the riluzole) but realized i should probably not be experimenting on myself during ect especially with such a medication.
i have come to the conclusion that i am currently in a downward spiral of obsessive-compulsive behavior such that my depression has become my primary hobby and it has crowded out everything else, and my obsessional research, psychobabble postings, med/supplament trials, etc. is completely counterproductive and dangerous and if i continue along this path i will only end up in the ground by my own hands. i am currently in a situation where i honestly don't think I would recognize or accept "wellness" if it was sent to me by express mail. i just don't think i'd recognize it, and i think me staying depressed is the easy way out for some strange reason.
this post probalby doesn't make much sense but that should be further evidence that i'm in a bad but hopefully eye-opening state right now. half the problem is my time spent on PB and doing research, trying to "save" me. when really my depression has become my hobby, my excuse, my time sink, my girlfriend, my everything.
<sigh>
-uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:894035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090505/msgs/894405.html