Posted by Racer on January 2, 2009, at 10:38:47
In reply to Re: Don't talk about suicide, posted by linkadge on January 1, 2009, at 9:39:04
> If I try putting myself through that again, I won't come out alive. Every inch of my being says stay away from it.
>
> LinkadgeI'm not quite sure what you mean, so I'll guess you mean therapy. It's hard to find a good fit with a therapist sometimes, and a bad fit can be brutal. (You probably don't remember, but I got far worse a few years ago with the help of a bad fit.)
Here's what I've been musing about lately: After years of feeling maybe slightly better from meds, or maybe worse on some, but nothing that really made much difference, I finally tried something that made a difference. Again, not an antidepressant. This medication took a grand total of two days to knock me into euthymia! I'm not entirely sure of the mechanism, because I felt so good I didn't care *how* it worked, but my doctor said something about H1 receptors, with maybe some GABAergic activity downstream or maybe not. Honestly, I didn't care how it did it -- and I felt {gasp} interest in other things, so didn't bother looking it up. Since two days isn't enough time for the sorts of changes hypothesized as causing the antidepressant effects of most ADs, I think my depression is probably not based in the catecholamines, and you may have something similar -- something that may respond great to something out there, just not to any of the standard ADs. Side effects of what I'm taking? There may be one or two -- but who's got time to stop and worry about what they might be? (I'm exaggerating a tiny bit -- I have had some headaches, but not even really bothersome. Sleep is better, though, so that's a nice trade off.)
I've always thought that "depression" was a constellation of disorders, related primarily by a common set of symptoms, rather than any common etiology. My experience seems to support that idea. I can't think what to suggest to you as far as finding a good treatment, but I do think that there are some out there. (And if I could wrap up my quirky, think-outside-the-box psychopharmacologist and send him to you for a consult, I certainly would.)
Working with horses, I always told my clients when new behavior problems cropped up, "Before you assume he's being naughty and get out the training aids, get the vet out here to go over him from nose to tail and rule out any physical problem." Same with any animal, of course. Well, we're animals, too -- if you can, and I know Canada has a different sort of system than we do in the States, see if your doctor can do a COMPLETE physical, with all the labs he can think of, to rule out any weird sort of metabolic component. I think you posted photos of yourself a few years ago, and I remember thinking you were very thin -- that might play into it, too: some minor nutrient deficiency, maybe. It's worth checking out if you can.
Link, you are suffering, and I wish I could help. I'll offer you my best wishes and hopes.
Peace.
poster:Racer
thread:871220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081223/msgs/871908.html