Posted by Hobbyhawk on May 17, 2008, at 5:51:14
In reply to Re: Changing medication » Hobbyhawk, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on May 16, 2008, at 14:05:58
Jay
That was a lovely reply. It sounded very caring, and I really appreciate that. You don't sound as if you were /completely/ cured, just at a much, much better place which allows you to be more optimistic and have a future, and give lots of encouragement and hope to the other souls more lost than you. At the moment, I just can't see a future through the thick, turgid and viscous grey fog that holds in me its grasp and smothers me. If I am honest, in so many ways I don't even want to. There is something "safe" about my pit.
My GP on reviewing my side-effects has decided to reduce the mirtazapine back to 15mg, and I did not have enough "energy" to say "No, please, can I try a different drug, because I had side-effects even when I was on the lower dose". He is hoping to draw on its anti-anxiety properties at this dose.
I have the habit, developed in childhood, of behaving in a compliant manner with authority figures while having contradictory private thoughts. Past 50 and I am still ruled by these childhood survival behaviours. They have long outlived their usefulness, and are now acting against my best interest. However, faced with a medical professional, I go into child mode and just say "yes" to whatever is proposed. I have decided to keep a side-effects diary. With this in front of me I hope I will break out and say what I am thinking, as I have some factual proof, which cannot be gainsayed without calling me a fantasist or a liar.
poster:Hobbyhawk
thread:829240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080510/msgs/829630.html