Posted by stargazer2 on August 9, 2007, at 18:14:18
I have just had an endocrine workup on Monday. The nurse practitioner was very thorough and quite knowledgable. I'm actually glad I saw her instead of the endocrinologist who was booked until March of 2008!
I had alot of bloods drawn on Wed, and then immediately started on a tiny dose (25 mcg) of Synthroid, which after a week I will increase to 50 mcg. After 2 days I feel slightly better, in that I have more energy and almost feel like I am waking up wondering why I'm not working and feeling very out of sorts with why this has occurred to me. To be disabled with depression for so long, with no ability to work or get better despite trying as hard as I know how.
I haven't been able to work in over a year. I just really gave up working to try and find an answer to why I was so depressed and had not responded to any and all meds I've tried for many years.
Could this be the missing link to my treatment resistent depression? If it is I will be very happy, but also very angry that something so simple could have turned my life around before I wasted more than 20 years with med trials. It has been hell and I now see my lost years as preventing me from ever working again. Every job I've had over the 20 years with depression, I just barely functioned in and I never left with good references I can use today. I have no previous work contacts (too depressed) and that is what prevents me from looking for another job. I feel like all the years I worked were wasted since I was always depressed and struggling to get by each day. I always quit before I would "snap", without a good reason but doing it to survive at the time.
Anyone else relate to my situation? I am so afraid of the future since I don't see a place for me in it. The depression has prevented me from feeling good about myself for so long and even though I have worked, I have poor self esteem and fear looking for another job especially if my depression is not better. I want a life but since I haven't really had one, I find it hard to be around non-depressed people who have never been where I have. I can't explain what I have gone through and why I haven't been able to work.
Hopefully, this sliver of hope from this workup will give me the strength to push myself into finding a place in life now, since it has been defined exclusively by depression for so long and that is not living, but dying a slow death.
Stargazer
poster:stargazer2
thread:775111
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070808/msgs/775111.html