Posted by yxibow on February 12, 2007, at 1:01:51
In reply to Can you WILL yourself better?, posted by Alone on February 11, 2007, at 22:17:26
> My dx PTSD and Somatization Disorder. I get so depressed I feel parallyzed. I get physical problems with no physical findings.
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> Everyone is telling me it's me. I agree that I get bad anxiety and it turns into a self feeding frenzy but I don't know how to stop.
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> Has anyone out there willed themselves into feeling better in any respect (obsessive thinking, body pains/problems, felling depressed etc...)
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> If anyone has, can you tell me how it's done so I can quiet my critics?
There was a time with my Somatization disorder when I could will it worse somehow, don't ask me how I could do it, like concentrating on my eyes or something and suddenly really odd things could happen. This was back when it was much worse -- like if I was playing some game on the computer or even just seeing moving images, I could actually replay the images back in my mind and I would "see" them on my retina, or at least my "psychiatric retina". Kind of made me afraid, but I mean, I know what reality is, there was no psychosis, it was just -- I have no other word to say than "curious".
Might have been due to medication too, because another curious thing happened when I took Remeron, which actually helped except for weight gain -- I would wake up with a hypnaegogic hallucination literally of the last "frame" of my dream projected on the wall. Remeron was rather trippy at the beginning especially, other things happened like I would wake up in a similar fashion hearing a buzzing bee or a brrr--zap and I would return to a wake state.
I sometimes get really railed and walk down the street and think in my mind, stupid traffic light you're really not actually that bright. Hey, that rhymed. But it's still there 24/7, although worst in the evening.
So, to say can you directly will yourself better, I'm not sure. But I know that if you can get to the core of it, if your insurance can provide for it or if you can afford it, "inside therapy" or psychodynamic therapy is one of the tools that has been used to attempt to unlock what causes Somatiform disorders.
Another form of therapy, if you're already in therapy is to have your psychologist, someone you get along with and confide in well, to make a relaxation tape (or if they're sophisticated enough, a CD) that uses hypnotic guided imagery to recall a place, e.g., that brings good memories, like a spring meadow or something. There are different techniques, but basically you count back, or "go down a set of stairs", and then do the same in reverse. And you can repeat listening to these tapes at times when you are especially anxious. If its overeffective, you may even fall asleep. :) I have.
I've been going to therapy for 5 years. I know that sounds like a lot of time, and believe me, time gone by that I wouldn't will on anyone, but I can't say its just medication that has gotten me to where I am at the moment, even if things aren't erased -- having someone to confide in is an important thing.
But along this timeline of pills and therapy exists now a slowly increasing timeline of restorative efforts to guide me back into volunteering, and at the moment adding onto previous skills through the university extension so I can "cover the gap". Because that's the problem with extended illnesses is that your resume can have a blank. But you can finess it and say, well, I've had an extended illness (or you can leave that out), I've been volunteering, I've gone back to study things, and (hopefully) I've done a little freelancing.
Perhaps more questions pondered than answered, but I thought I would share that part of myself.
I hope that provides some insight for you.-- tidings
Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:731996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070207/msgs/732028.html