Posted by jealibeanz on September 1, 2006, at 12:24:54
In reply to Re: Tomorrow Part 1 » jealibeanz, posted by llrrrpp on September 1, 2006, at 10:23:00
Thanks for the encouragement. Yeah... I am a mess! I am an extremely emotional and sensitive person. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes that's a bad thing. I'm almost too sensitive to my emotions and body... so if things aren't going well, I'm verrry aware of it. However, I think my input could be very helpful in my treatment since I have such acurate sensitivity and intuition about myself.
My PA knew I was a mess! He basically told me so, but not in an unkind manner. It was just his way of saying... wowwww... you've gotten completely out of wack within the few months that I've known you. (I was interning/shadowing there for a while, so he saw the bright, ambitious, confident side of me... then... my complete crash. I stopped doing my internship there once I needed to go back as a patient. It was a big conflict of interest in my opinion.) We need to fix this! I actually think his ability to see this is partially due to the fact that he's not thaaat much older than me, maybe about 29 or so.
He's the one I began treatment with this year when my doc was on break for a week. It was first for insomnia, then anxiety, then depression, then my own unexplained illness where I was freaking out and thought I was dying... Haha, I had been sick with a bad cold for two months, which I thought was soo not normal since I'm never even get sick with a cold for a few days (it most likely because I had wayyy overworked myself with school, work, interning, and the never ending task of applying and interviewing for pharmacy and PA schools).
I'm very healthy. So, he checked lymph nodes and decided to run some blood tests and check my thyroid to rule out an underlying disease.
Then at a Lunesta checkup I decided I needed to be put on medication for my ADHD since I hadn't ever been consistently treated with medication and suddenly was having major issues concentrating. His thought was that it was the anxiety. My thought was that since my ADHD had been out of control, it caused major anxiety because I couldn't get myself to concentrate long enough to do school work, simple household tasks, and was becoming verrry forgetful and scatterbrainws. This all caused more anxiety.
We were both partially correct in my opinion. But when he was saying that my anxiety needed to be under control, I just was afraid of what his approach would be. I didn't want an SSRI. I don't think cognitive therapy has ever been helpful, if anything, just caused more hyperawareness and stress.
I had had a bad reaction to Klonopin earlier and knew he wasn't keen on benzos anyway. He's not technically allowed to write his own script for them, so he's definitely not comfortable messing around with something he couldn't authorize, didn't have great confidence in, and had given me past problems. That could get him into trouble. So he gave in and gave me Straterra. Haha, he was just trying to please me with a med he considered to be very safe.
He had to turn me over to my actual physician anyway because PA's need to have supervisors check in on their patients every so often. So my doc hasn't actually been through the recent turmoil with me directly. My PA might be a little more in tune with my distress since he saw me when I fell to a huuuuge low point last fall. However, he's not really comfortable being super aggressive and risky.
My doctor has the potential to be. He just hasn't experienced my distress first hand and long enough to truely recognize the need forit himself without me being very blunt. Until recently he just thought I was a cool little chick who could possibly come back and work with his practice in a few years!
poster:jealibeanz
thread:681286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060901/msgs/682038.html