Posted by maddy4 on June 23, 2006, at 20:33:50
this post could be in many sections on here.
the more i fear divorce the more effed up i get - as if i need it - being panic attack queen when all was well.
im goin to try to drink a magnum tonight to make it all go away.
i am so jittery/panicky from upping my lex to 7.5 mg (OMG - sarcasm) and i basically feel like sh*t. in all ways - on all levels - in every respect.
i am just done - not that i am suicidal - i am not - but maybe i am in a slow way - taking ssris - drinking wine - smoking cigs - mind effing myself w/ these stupid drugs that are making me feel worse right now - and i dont even know why im taking them.
my panic was under control w/ 5 mgs of lex and xan as needed - but according to my husband i need to change EVERYTHING flipping thing abt myself for the 'marraige (LOL)' to work. and im normally not the type to comply with anything - much less taking more of a drug to prove i am 'trying' to be less controlling.
whatever. save the marriage - what effeing marriage. someone shoot me. why does life have to be so effing complicated - why does HE have to make it so hard? i dont think it has to be this way and i dont want to live this way. im going to be killed by N korea or terrorists (or SSRIS now ;) ) anyway. cant i just be controlling and have fun? OVER IT ALL.
poster:maddy4
thread:660766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060623/msgs/660766.html