Posted by corafree on June 10, 2006, at 21:05:19
In reply to Re: Nortriptyline Details Please » corafree, posted by SLS on June 10, 2006, at 14:21:28
I am unhappy and very frustrated as well. Are we simply becoming too quickly 'de-sensitized' to medication? Let's not give up!
I struggle with what's situational and what's clinical of my depression because of the past two years' of subtle turmoil in my life. I believe no matter the reason, the debilitation feels the same. I believe symptoms should be treated.
I am wasting my time wondering. Maybe I'm afraid that too much medication may damage me when it is something as simple as 'love' or a 'change of my surroundings' that I need.
Because of the subtle (The important people in my life say that I 'should be happy' with who/what/where I am in my life.) unhappiness of the last two years, I shy away from going up in dosages and cocktails. I shy away from more aggressive medicinal treatment!
Maybe I'm telling myself to be patient or playing a waiting game ... hoping 'time' will help heal my pain. There's always the possibility what may happen tomorrow could change my life for the better. It's been a long time, but it's happened to me before. But then, was I 'participating in life' instead of 'watching it from the stadium' at that time. I'm too depressed to make that distinction!
I must say this last couple weeks, some eye-openers have popped up and forced me to see I need more serious help.
I forgot to answer your ? re: dosage of desipramine 'maybe purposely(?)' as it is only 10mg! It's embarrassingly low!
So, at this point, I can only think about 'my P's part in the matter of my severe depression', because I believe I am unable to be pro-active and aggressive for these reasons. I refuse to create a suicidal scenario to get attention.
I said, straight out, to him, "You do know that I'm much more depressed than I appear, don't you?"
He acknowledged by nodding yes and mentioned something re: the borderline factor.(?) Did he believe me? It never occurred to me until right now that maybe he didn't take that as seriously as it was meant. Do you suppose that he thought to himself, if she is borderline, she may be 'toying w/ me'? I hope not, because I certainly wasn't.
If I'm not being treated aggressively enough due to my reservations and the absence of an outwardly appearance of severe depression (I have tried to push him to see this.), shouldn't he take the reigns and forge ahead more aggressively on my behalf? I think maybe so. Maybe I need to challenge him. But I cannot let him 'write it off' as a symptom of borderline behavior. I must get his attention!
sincerely, cf
poster:corafree
thread:654765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060610/msgs/655380.html