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Re: Really a chemical imbalance or Klonopin addiction?

Posted by missamor on December 16, 2004, at 15:28:43

In reply to Re: Really a chemical imbalance or Klonopin addiction? » BRC, posted by Glydin on December 16, 2004, at 6:20:38

i too have been taking klonopin for ocd and gad for, i believe, over two years. i have only increased my dose from 1mg daily to 1.5mg daily and that was pretty early in my taking the medication.
i worry alot because i want to have children & a healthy realtionship and wonder if that is possible if i am really "high" on K. i wonder if i am high on K? i wonder what the medication has already done to my body/mind. and what damage i will do when i am to wean off this medication. i also feel guilty because half of me doesnt care about any of these adverse affects that could happen because i feel so much better when i am on the medication.
i feel like i knew what i was getting myself into. kind of like when i was 17 and forced myself to smoke cigs b/w classes. i knew i was basically asking for a problem (ive had for 8 years) but didnt care. like i invited the addiction.
for me the largest change in my life is the ability i have had since taking klonopin to resist my obsessive/compulive thoughts and actions. i am no longer exercise bulimic, my sick quest for perfection has somewhat ceased. and i feel so much more normal. i dont binge drink or smoke pot nearly as much.
so why beat myself up? its not like im home snorting the k and trying to find more, dr shopping, and all the things that are telltale signs of an addict.
but i can be disallusioned to say i am not physically dependant or addicted to this medication. i am and that is for sure. i have felt the withdrawl that takes place when i am not taking my medication on schedule.
i have a bratty little friend who loved looking down her nose at me and said she would never want to have to take something everyday to feel normal. well she has to have attention from a man everyday since we were 12. moved in with one when she was 16 and never has been alone for a day in her life.
i say to her i would hate to have to have someone else by me at all times to feel normal.
if im dependant-she is too.
is there a difference?
im sure many think so but really what is the difference. (beyond the gaba transmitter stuff) she needs something each day to get by and so do i. and id rather have klonopin than not be able to take care of myself.
another factor in feeling like an addict is the way pharmacies and ppl act about the drugs. i hate feeling like a crackhead at cvs, but i dont let myself anymore. ive had lots of little technicians say they are very dangerous drugs. i should get off as soon as possible. i just let them give me two ignorant cents and if it makes them feel better thats fine. klonopin makes me feel better too.
so a long answer to your short question of chemical imbalance or klonopin addiction? my opinion is i have both for sure.


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poster:missamor thread:430058
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041211/msgs/430370.html