Posted by JahL on August 17, 2004, at 21:32:50
In reply to Re: depersonalization help needed » JahL, posted by SLS on August 12, 2004, at 7:04:53
HI Scott.
> Of course, the bilateral treatments pretty much kicked my ass. I felt really weird for at least a month. I don't like to think about the possible irreversible cognitive effects I might have suffered. It would be difficult to differentiate them from the effects of the depression now anyway.Yeah, it's a concern of mine too. I'm convinced that high dose Effexor is responsible for some permanent damage. As for ECT...all I know is that it's floored me.
> > The general anaethetic was orgasmic - you learn to anticipate the intense rush and ride it. The pain ceases instantly,...
>
> I know. What a pathetic comment that is on the quality of our lives....and sometimes *that* first joint of the day is also its highlight for me. It is sad, isn't it?
> > One week after I finished ECT a report came out in The English Journal of Psychiatry. It stated that there was an indisputable link btwn ECT and memory loss.
>
> When was this?Around April/May of last year. I'll try and dig it out for you.
> Are you able to work?
Not properly, no. Like many on this board, it is inconceivable that I could perform a 'normal' 9-5 job. Way too suicidal, way too cognitively impaired. I think you'll probably understand.
I'm lucky, because despite my illness, I've always found it relatively easy to make money. Aside for concern over the welfare of my family, money is the one thing that motivates me. As I see it, if I can't be at all happy, then at least I can try and be comfortable.
I now make a pretty good living as a professional gambler, betting mostly on golf tournaments over the Net. It only involves sitting in front of the PC for a few hours a week and then watching a bit of golf on the weekend. Not too taxing and so I can cope. Of course being Bipolar, I get a kick out of gambling anyway ;-)
Having said all of this, it's not a profession I would recommend as regards stress (a losing streak can be very painful...)
How about you? Can you support yourself? You sound profoundly depressed...can you even contemplate working?
> I know about the anger. A strong ego is difficult to control when you have to learn how to manage it all over again.Yeah. I become particularly angry when people don't show me the respect I afford others. There are certain situations I have to avoid entirely because trouble would be almost inevitable.
Interestingly enough, the temper was the one 'flaw' that remained after I became euthymic on Prozac. Probably something I'll have to work on. As you say, maybe you actually have to learn how to control the ego again (it was actually the first time for me - I've never really felt normal)
One of the reasons I leave this board for long periods is that I find it all too easy to become embroiled in arguments and ultimately vendettas with the odd poster here and there. I'm easy to wind up I guess. I have no problem admitting that Social Phobia can give my thinking a paranoid edge now and then. Being rather proud probably doesn't help either.
> > Can I ask if you've tried Abilify yet? ...
>
> I currently take 10mg. I too experienced a rather robust antidepressant effect initially. After a week or so, it faded, but I feel it might still be helping a little. It's hard to tell...You've actually inspired me to give it one last go; I've spent nearly $1000 on the tablets after all (god save the NHS...ack). I've already had the minor initial improvement - now gone (does this sound all too familiar?) - and now I'm hoping for that more robust AD effect. It's day four today and I'm taking about 15mg. If my damaged memory serves me correctly, it took about a week to kick in last time. Here's hoping...
> Pardon my ignorance, what is a "bruv"?
Sorry, it's kinda slang for brother. It turns out that you've actually spoke to my younger brother over email. I introduced him to this site before I went in for ECT and he hooked up with you soon after. Obviously he has good taste in people ;-) I won't give his name, but he says Hello.
*If you need any help with Amineptine Scott, let me know*
>
> > If you're interested, we've also tried or are trying the dopamine agonists Ropinirole, Trivestal and Almirid. Happy to share my experiences.
>
> Please do. I once tried bromocriptine. I experienced about three days of improvement beginning on the second day of treatment. Nothing thereafter.Sounds familiar. I've never been too interested in Bromocriptine, for some reason I've always seen it as a rather 'dirty' drug. Not sure why.
I tried Ropinirole a few months back. It didn't do a great deal other than improve my currently non-existent appetite. Tho' I experienced the odd sleep attack to begin with, there were no real side effects either.
My 'bruv' is currently switching from Pramipexole - which helps significantly but has turned him into a 60 a day compulsive smoker overnight and induces the odd mini panic attack - to Trivestal. So far so good; it seems that Trivestal has multiple modes of action and so has the potential to maybe be more effective.
We've got Almirid in reserve, though I'm not particularly excited by the prospect of another D agonist.
Can I ask what your opinions are of opioids as a treatment of last resort?
I have to say that aside from the three candidates we mentioned earlier, opiates, specifically Vicodin (no anti-opiate diatribes anybody please), are of the greatest interest to me. I am fully aware of the inherent dangers of opioids, but I think not treating acute suicidal feelings is even riskier (at least in my case)
I am familiar with a couple of people Stateside who both take low-dose Vicodin. Neither seems to have developed any particular tolerance over the years. Are you familiar with the work on an Oxycontin/Naltrexone (I think?) combination, thought not to promote tolerance?
As you might know, I have taken low-dose Methadone for a few years now, w/o any sign of tolerance. The benefits - improvements in cognition and energy - are not that substantial but they are *consistent*. It's the Meth connection that is driving me towards a visit to a broad-minded Stateside pdoc...
Have you ever considered anything along these lines? Is this pushing the envelope too far in your case?
> I am not in a real good place right now. Not at all.I can really empathize. I never thought it would come to this.
> It could be worse, though. (It sometimes helps to say that).
Could be a whole lot better though. I guess we got to keep trying every feasible drug we can lay our hands on. I'd like to think that your experiences offer me some insight into my own condition, such are the strong parallels btwn our respective disorders.
Again, if you're still curious about Amineptine, let me know.
Take care mate,
J.
(phew, another longie!)
poster:JahL
thread:374412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040817/msgs/378923.html