Posted by BarbaraCat on June 2, 2004, at 15:21:26
In reply to Re: Hi Barbara Cat!, posted by momO3 on June 1, 2004, at 11:49:47
HI Holly!
>>I don't know if you remember me? Mom 0'3 - Holly (now Mom O'4)**I sure do remember you. We had some great chats a while back. Congrats about numero quatro! Must keep you really busy.
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> So Sorry to hear about your mother... I hope you are doing ok.**It was very difficult, as anyone who has lost a much loved Mom knows. She was hit by a car while out walking so it was a shock, although at some level I'd been expecting it and so had she. I know she was ready, even though she was healthy and happy. I get a good peaceful feeling when I think of her and feel her presence, like I know it was her time.
That's life and we all go through difficult situations. But for someone teetering on the edge already (that would be me), major crises are destabilizing and heartbreaking and it takes longer to heal.
We've also been struggling with a very sick cat since December, our first kitten whom we are so bonded with. My little buddy and heart's delight. These critters take on alot of our stuff and I don't think it's a coincidence he got sick at exactly the one-year anniversary of her death. He pulled through a long drawn out crisis with some miracle treatments from our holitically oriented vet and I thought, prayed, he was on the mend. But just yesterday I took him in and his x-rays show advanced tumors throughout his little body. I'm quite aware that every day with him has been a gift and it's time to let go. But yet another major loss to contend with - and I'm not feeling very up to it.
Unfortunately, meds don't seem to be an option either. I came down with Stevens Johnson Syndrome in April from a drug unrelated to Lamictal, although I believe Lamictal 'primed the pump' for me since I was getting intense itching and skin sensitivity from it. I stopped taking Lamictal in January along with most all other psych meds. They just weren't working and I was getting severe side effects from everything. Getting Stevens Johnson was a wake-up call. Not quite sure of what, except that meds aren't for me and I have to find another way. Been praying alot and that seems to help more than anything - although I'd sure love to find that magic pill...
So you ask about Nortriptyline. It helped immensely with the depression I spun into after Mom's death. Pretty remarkable, actually. But I could not take the side effects of very dry mouth, dry eyes, constipation. I drink alot of water and it was never enough and I always felt dangerously parched. Don't let me discourage you from it because of my extreme over-sensitivity. It's a very good drug. Helped alot with anxiety too.
Lately, I'm feeling like I definitely need SOMETHING because life is seeming pretty harsh. I can take the depressions, but the mixed states stuff that starts creeping in has got to be nipped in the bud. It is so toxic and destructive. I've started and stopped and now started St. John's Wort again. It helped once before. Studies are showing that it works differently from an SSRI so I'm willing to give it the ol' college try again. Time will tell.
I'm doing all sorts of other nutritional support and high dose fish oil. I just don't know, Holly. I'm not always this down, but getting the news of my kitty has knocked the wind out of me and I was just getting back on my feet after SJS. I feel like I need to escape from life and trauma for a while to heal. But where is there such a place and can I afford it? Hope you're doing well, girlfriend. Keep in touch. - Barbara
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> I was looking at your post about the Nortriptyline and was curious if you are still taking it? Didn't you used to take some of the stimulants?
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> I am still on the Lamictal and have been pretty happy with it, but I keep switching ADS... still haven't found one that doesn't put me into mixed-states...
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> Anyway, just thought I would touch base...
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> Holly
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:206329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040602/msgs/353091.html