Posted by katia on June 9, 2003, at 13:47:51
In reply to Re: Antidepressants and Mania, posted by lillabelle on June 9, 2003, at 3:47:49
> >I would have fits of irrationality and anger that I could not control. And always, I would try and put it down to my celtic, firery background (yeah, right).
Hi Lillabelle - yes I know these "fits". In my last relationship which ended extremely disastrously, we were in counseling briefly before the tragic ending. This was in Scotland and this "counselor" was more of a "healer - energy worker". She asked me to name that "part" of me that is irrational and angry and I said "bleeding heart tornado". and then my boyfriend (at the time) said, "no, more like a bloody nuclear bomb - and that's being polite". This was also in the midst of a serious serious depression (maybe mixed state)(which wasn't dxed at the time!) which I feel angry about. the amount of "counselors" that I've seen over the years, so many of them have not brought this up with me when I have been so obviously in need of medication (in retrospect). it's taken my own research and initiative.
> Like so many others out there I associated 'manic depression' with long euphoric highs, sometimes accompanied with voices and grand dilusions, followed by month long crashes often needing hospitalization.
>
> I love to read biographies of people with mood disorers but most of the ones I have read concern bipolar I, so although fascinating i could not relate.likewise likewise! I remember reading Kay Redfield Jamison's autobiography in 1996 when it came out! and I was drawn to it for a reason. But like you, did not completely relate, but related on other levels. I've read just about all there is.
> With regards to alchohol, I found that I drank more when i was manic and not when I was depressed as one might assume. (Kay Redfield and others have agreed with this observation.) My first drink brought on a rush of mania, a high I felt compelled to chase. I would go up and up, becoming wilder and wilder. It's not that I drank more than anybody else it's just that it affected me more. I don't think I have ever seen someone act out as crazily on booze as I did. Like you I did and said things I deeply regreted later. The problem was I got to the point were I never remembered anything beyond the first few drinks, but I did not have the mercy of passing out. Like the energizer bunny, I'd keep on going. The classic, 'thing that wouldn't leave the party.'
>that's me. In fact, alcohol I think, exacerbates this wild energy. I've gotten totally out of control and wild on alcohol.
> As for you Katia, I am not a pdoc but like Ron i suspect you may have bipolar2 or possibly bipolar3. Are you extremely impatient in lineups?yes!!!!!! and it's definitely shown up in the past two months. I get claustrophobic and hot, can't stop fidgeting - playing with my hair etc. in fact within minutes, I could go from feeling ok to nearing a complete breakdown.
Do you find long airplane trips make you angry and very agitated? No, I just endure here in some meditative state.
Have you ever suffered from prolonged insomnia interspaced with oversleeping? yes.
Do you sometimes find it impossilbe to control rage and anger? yes.
Do you throw yourself into projects only to abandon them?I get involved in things and don't follow through.
or go on wild shopping sprees? Besides this past two months, no I don't go on "shopping sprees". I don't really know what's considered as such b/c when I go out and buy things I really do need them. I don't think I've ever had this happen for me. The only "wild shopping sprees" that I can equate would be buying a ticket to a foreign country at the drop of a hat and moving.In the long run i think that you need to be properly dxed with a very good, reputable pdoc.
>
that'll be on the 16th.> As for mood stabilizers, everyone has a different reaction. I found the traditional ones:lithium, depakote and tegretol to be too flattening as well as fattening! Really they made me feel zombilike. However they are first line meds for bipolar and millions have had life-changing results with them. The new line stabilizers, gabapentin, lamictal and topamax have mixed results. Topamax in my humble opinion being the worst (at least for me). Like all meds it is a matter of trial and error.
yes, I am interested in maybe trying lamictal or what Ron is on the lithobid?
>
> If you find your mood swings are interfering with your life then you really do need to find something to sort that out. Life is too short to be miserable.
In the past year I'm realizing that I can do someting to sort myself out.It's hard to be optomistic when meds don't work but that is the beauty of this board. Somewhere to find others like us. Before I found this site I truly thought there was no one out there like me.
likewise.
What are you taking now - medication-wise?
also, you mentioned that you are dxed with ADD? How is that different than bipolar 2?
thanks.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:102831
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030609/msgs/232645.html