Posted by maryhelen on May 19, 2003, at 13:52:04
In reply to Re: Please answer ASAP !!! Experts or non-experts!, posted by Dragonslayer on May 19, 2003, at 7:35:47
Dear Ace:
I am not an expert in what you are experiencing, except for the depression. I have treatment resistant depression and have tried more meds and combinations, ECT, hospitalizations, therapy, etc... than I can remember.
I truly cannot imagine going through the OCD and other difficulties you are dealing with. I admire your fighting spirit and tenacity. I admire the fact that you do the research and self educate yourself about medications. I depended on my doctors at the beginning of my depression and had hope and trust that I would get well and that they knew what they were doing. I do not believe that anymore and get more of my information here and on the Web and present it to my pdoc, who is very receptive, most are not, and do not accept looking in a book for the standard treatment, side effects, etc. discounting the human side and differences in all of us.
I have no intention of trying to irritate you more than what you are going through but I want to ask you something.
You are in the middle of a semester at university, with heavy studying, stuff like chemistry. I sincerely do not know how you are doing this given what you are going through. You mention while coming off the Anafranil you had severe depression with cognitive impairment, terrible derealization and phobic anxiety. You felt great on Nardil, but had the OCD present itself again, if I am correct. Is it not possible to give yourself a break from University until you get this sorted around, and to resume next year, next semester, I don't know how it works because I never went to University. If you were to take a break for yourself is it not possible to go back at another time. With everything you are going through I am afraid you are going to have a complete mental and physical breakdown. I have heard time and again about people resuming their University studies, not necessarily for these reasons, but even simply for dropping out for a while, for no special reason. I think our brain chemistry needs a chance to rebalance and adjust to all the changes we reap upon it. The pressure you have put on yourself is enormous. University is difficult for those who have no problems to contend with. I know when I had to take leave from my job, the first time I thought was the end of the world. My pride, shame, embarassment, feeling of failure were almost too much to bear. I think I was on 3 leaves. I now have been off for over 2 years, just returning again, and the difference in what I have learned about depression from then to now is like night and day. I no longer have those feelings, and **** the stigma. I am going to work as a school secretary in a busy shcool office and instead of lying about the reason I was off, it is now second nature to just tell anyone who asks. It doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks, but I find most are very supportive. Sorry, Ace, I went off topic.
What we think sometimes is the end of our world, sometimes turns out to be a new beginning. I do not know how you can sustain what you are trying to do, although, you sure are a fighter and if anyone can do it, you can, but at what cost.
Ace, just my thoughts. I do wish you only the best in you struggle and after reading all of your posts, I care very much what happens to you.
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:227574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030514/msgs/227675.html