Posted by reese1 on June 4, 2002, at 20:24:06
In reply to Re: adderall xr, posted by Hattree on June 4, 2002, at 8:39:53
don't kill yourself with guilt, life can and will take care of that all by itself.
it was nice reading your words. i didn't find out about add till i went to the hospital for the one of many times, because of being bi-polar. so when i walked out of the mayo clinic i not only had a degree in bi-polar but i double majored with add
i felt greatanywya i started on ritalin. felt crazy. stopped. started on adderall. maybe 5 or 10, don't remember.
then i moved up to 40-60mg a day. stayed at that for a long time. then i would sometimes take 40 in the morning and nothing for the remainder of the day, somtimes another one later on. it would always be changing cause the effect of adderall is always changing.
last year it stopped having any effect at all on me. i was taking 60mg in the morning. nothing. tried concerta. sucked. even gave some to my brother. he thought it sucked.
then went up to 30mg tablet of adderall
took up to 90mg but not all the time
then lost my doctor found new doctor another new doctor
and i currently take 40mg of adderall a day. usually 40 when i wake up and that's it.
BUT WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED
is that adderall is strange in the sense that i think you can bottom out on it. what i mean is after a certain dose, i just don't think the more you take effect you as much. i don't think there is any difference, once your body adjusts, between 40mg or 30mg at once. just like sometimes i might take a 20mg tablet and have no idea that i took it. can't tell. another day i can feel it.
so i don't think taking over 60 is necessary. i think that is the dosage one should not go over. at least that's what they tell you, i think.so please don't feel guilty about needing something to feel better, safer, more secure, anything. it's all fucked anyway. if a two pills of adderall truly help you, then you have every fucking right to take them. i can find absolutly nothing wrong in that
say you are taking, eating and snorting ten to twelve pills a day, well then things could be seen as getting out of hand. and let's say you do this one time a year. well i don't care and neither should you. but say this happens every day, i think you would care and i think you would feel really fucking awful as well.
and from what you wrote i don't get the feeling that the adderall makes you feel worse but seems to help a lot. so if it's guilt that's fucking with you, just remember it's not your guilt. it's the guilt of the others around you. who don't know. who don't understand. who prefer to judge. categorize. then try to really understand what it's like to wake up every day, within each and every second, in every minute, waiting for it to stop, change, leave, whatever it might be. but please. people are dumb enough. don't let them make you dumb.
reese
sorry for the bad spelling and grammer
poster:reese1
thread:108530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020602/msgs/108694.html