Posted by Uppendown on March 20, 2002, at 15:38:33
Hi Ya'll,
I just found this place today... and it looked like there are interesting and informed people here.. so I'm giving it a try... :O)
I was diagnosed as a Bipolar type 1, with "psychotic features" ( sort of like "facial features", eh ?? LOLOL!).. PTSD.. daily cycler.. a couple of years ago. I did talk therapy for a year and a half.. and went on meds after initial resistance. Started on Depadeath... which I really disliked.. ( Gee! Can you tell ?? LOL!).. and then switched to Neurontin.. which I really liked.. at least on that, I still felt alive !!
Anyways, about 6 weeks or so ago, I went through a pretty hard episode.. and made my plans.. drove off to "do the deed" in a very remote place where I wouldn't be found or "rescued".. But a funny thing happened on the way to the... well.. you know ! LOLOL! I ended up at this very remote beach ( I live on an Island, so that wasn't too hard to do !! LOL!), and went walking.. the beach was so pretty.. no traces of humans.. just pure natural beauty.. and something changed in me. I walked for hours...
Needless to say.. and very obviously, I didn't do the deed.. I came back home.. and made a decision to live my life as *me*.. or die trying. I quit all meds... and shortly after that, quit smoking and my evening drinks, too. All of it "Cold Turkey", on the spot.
Hehehehe.. well.. quitting the meds cold turkey was not such a swift idea, in retrospect ! The withdrawl effects were pretty heavy duty, but I have NO regrets. I feel SO much better "clean" and "clear"..
I figured that I had survived for a couple decades as an unmedicated loon before getting diagnosed... and now, after the couple of years of therapy and education, I know better what is going on, when my cycles spin 'round.. ( Geez! I sound like a washing machine !! LOL ).. I'm "naturally" a very high speed, high energied person.. more hypo than depressive.. and I hallucinate nearly constantly.. I never tried to medicate my "enhancements" away, and I was fortunate to have docs that respected my choices.. and worked with me despite my resistance to medications..
I HAVE noticed some changes in me since I've been off meds. I very much believe that the meds effected my synaptic connections/reactions .. my senses are much more heightened since I've quit. I'm going through my CD collection again.. it all sounds SO different to me now!! ( Won't have to buy any new music for awhile ! LOLOL! ). Parts are so dramaticly different, and spatially distinct as to make me physically jump at times !
Anyways... I hope I don't get jumped all over and beat up for quitting meds. I hope I can be respected for having tried various treatment options, and chosen this one.
And.. I look forward to meeting you all..
Best Wishes,
U&D
poster:Uppendown
thread:99053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020318/msgs/99053.html