Posted by jay on November 28, 2001, at 5:39:16
In reply to Re: Docs get serious about weight/sex -Jay Bob, posted by nightlight on November 27, 2001, at 23:09:05
> Dear Jay & Bob,
>
> Question-
> when you are in the grips of a depressive episode, or dysthymic anhedonia, and are not on meds, does sex still interest you? I know, for me, it becomes a non-issue. I have zero interest, nor can I bear the intimacy it entails.So, maybe the 'great whomever' intended for all (or most) depressives to simply be eunuchs, whether treated or untreated, ya think?Well, after ten or so years of low sexual desire brought on by meds, enough is enough...really. What I do find is off meds, ya I get the same depressed, sexless-feeling episodes, but I will also have times where I feel just right on the mark again. There is a trade-off, and in the very long run, I don't think people should have to have to hit the wall over this.
> I have never been successfully treated with any of the many A-D's I've tried, so I don't know what it's like to feel 'normal', have energy, and yet, have no interest in sex. And, to have interest, but be unable to comply, well, that must be miserable. Although forcing oneself to be intimate w/one's partner when even only slightly depressed, fatigued, uninterested is no great thrill either (but, has *some* potential to be a positive experience).
If you are with a partner for a long time, maybe I have too high expectations, but I think almost every episode of being intimate is of *dire* importance. It is a total escape from the bland bull-sh*t of the world, becoming one with a person you deeply love. I am a very romantic, passioante guy, and have had very, deeply, intense long-term intimate relatioships. I am seeing more and more, little else but that shared love is of importance.
We care TOO much about work and materialism here in North America, and to me, that intimate embrace with a partner is the safest, warmest, most euphoric, beautiful place in the world. I see very little reason to live other than to have those close and deep relationships. It is a horrific price to pay, and I think it's time we stop pretending it isn't.
> Now, the weight subject is INDEED a weighty one.
< polite snip >
> I've read so many posters say they have suicidal tendencies, yet they will not take a certain drug b/c they might gain weight. It sounds so crazy, yet, who wants to be fat AND suicidal? No one. But, many of us have kids, or pets, or just have found other ways to entertain ourselves...or simply feel the need to LIVE w/our meds and responsibilities, overweight or not.Well, I am not talking 10, 20,30, or even 50 pounds..I mean OBESE...and the bottom line is it is deadly, and no I can't accept it for myself. Using medical definitions of obese, doctors MUST address this issue also. I am also not talking about short-term use, I mean after decades....I know many who have gained in excess of 100 pounds.
For me as an individual, sorry, but that just doesn't cut it. I was a heavy kid into my teens...dieted and lost a ton of weight and looked awesome, and felt it, in my 20's, then when the psych meds came along (the a.d.'s...not the benzos), I got minor improvements in mood, and the fat piled on with a vengance. I was SOOO proud of myself for losing that weight, and how damn depressing to have all that effort down the tube. And yes, after 10 or so years, through journals and tests, my mood hasn't really changed much..and only benzos work for me, which thankfully don't put on the weight.> But, diet drugs DO help many, in the short run (6 wks. or so), but they are psychotropic and can screw with 'the balance'some of us have finally achieved. It's all just a crap shoot anyway...No answers here, just hope the pharm co.s come up with something one day that doesn't make a lotta people gain weight. They have performed miracles before...and ya know it wd. sell like hotcakes!
>
> nightlightYes, indeed...and I wasn't honestly lashing at you, just this horrid frustration we all feel.
Jay
> > Jay:
> >
> > I could not have said this better myself. I have had these thoughts for years. Doctors downplay the long term effects of lack of sexual ability and weight gain. The longer you deal with it, the worse of a burden it becomes. I have been on meds for 10 years, and have been overweight the whole time, until Topomax, which I had to get off of for other reasons. Not once during those 10 years was I the slightest bit amused my the weight gain. It has an undeniable psychological effect, as well as the obvious physical ones. I always hear the "it's a small price to pay" line, but it becomes bigger and bigger as time goes on. Even people I know who are well aware of the fact that I'm on medications sometimes comment about me being overweight. It's VERY annoying and frustrating. The fact that there's a billion dollar industry out there for people who want to lose weight tells you a little about what it means to people psychologically. Just look at a magazine rack. The only topic more pervasive is sex!!!
> >
> > That brings us, of course, to your second point... being deprived of sexual desire. It's not merely the inability to get an erection once in awhile, but often a complete lack of desire, and the eventual inability to be intimate. This is very, very serious. As you have said, it is an innate part of who we are. One could even make a controversial point that we have evolved for this sole purpose - to produce the next generation. Loss of intimacy and all sexual ability is a very, very, very high price to pay, in my eyes. It's an undeniable part of being human. If you find a medecine that helps you, but adds the two aforementioned problems, they eventually loom just about as large as the original disease -- the only differences being the lack of urgency, and immediate threat to well-being and life. Thus, they are on the back burner for being eradicated.
> >
> > It's always been very sad to me that we who suffer from mental illness have to make such compromises. The solutions to our conditions produce or aggravate two conditions that a large part of the humanity strives to address through pharmacology regardless of the presence of mental illness, i.e. Viagra, etc. It's really a terrible paradox.
> >
> > Bob
poster:jay
thread:85329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011123/msgs/85374.html