Posted by MB on September 11, 2001, at 10:35:07
In reply to Re: Valerian Safety -- 12-Step Resources!!! » MB, posted by Simcha on September 11, 2001, at 7:54:23
It bothers me too that AA takes the powerless idea and extends it to all aspects of life, not just drugs and alcohol. The AA groups tell us that we are *responsible* for any negativity in our lives, but then turn around and tell us that we are *powerless* to do anything about it! What kind of head trip is that, you get all the responsibility but none of the power? Then you have to do all this HARD WORK in the form of the steps, but you can't take any credit for that work, you have to say that the higer power did *all* of it...well, personally, I think I've been working hard, and I'm proud of it!!! I agree that AA is for addiction, that we are powerless over our addictions, but then we need to take charge over our lives (staying in contact with a higher power is important too, however). I hate to say it, but I think that in some ways I'm more screwed up than before I came to AA. I'm no longer drinking, but I'm neurotic in ways I wasn't before. I was hanging around with some normies and they were complementing me, and I found that I have lost the ability to say anything nice about myself without the horrible guilt. I always have to "humble" myself by following a self-complement with a self-deprecating comment (e.g., I'd say something like: "Yes I am a good guitar player, but that *is* just like an alcoholic to be so arrogant, isn't it?"). At a meeting I noticed that most of the people speaking did the same thing: it's *trendy* to put yourself down in the AA groups.
I'm going to read that book you suggested (even though I'll be chastised since it isn't "conference approved").
Anyway, I need to get on medication before it gets worse. AA saved my life because I was drinking myself to death, but at the same time, it seems AA likes to blame *any* and *all* of life's problems on alcoholism and bad stepwork. I just don't think I agree...and to be in disagreement with the group is a very difficult and scary place to be...as I'm sure you're aware of. I get really paranoid some times (thinking phones are tapped, etc.) and some times I think I'm in an evil cult that's trying to take my individuality away. AA has done me so much good in terms of my dringking, I wish it didn't have to be the way that it is.
> MB,
>
> Please listen to yourself and your doctor. If you both determine that meds are for you then please do yourself a favor, don't resist.
>
> I've been in 12-step groups for six years now and I fought getting meds. Finally the depression smacked me hard enough that I was willing to try anything. My therapist AND my doctors had tried to tell me that I needed meds for years. Of course, my sponsor knew better and I needed 12-step to save me from addiction, right?
>
> Well, let me tell ya. I've learned that addiction and mental illness may be 2 sides of the same coin yet both require seperate treatment. For my mental illness is a medical problem. There is a medical solution these days, thank G-d, in the form of medication to balance my brain.
>
> You may wish to read this book:
>
> "I Can See Tomorrow"
> by
> Patricia Owen (Hazelden)
>
> It is written for those of us who are in 12-step recovery who are suffering from depression. It helped me to see why I might need medication to balance me out.
>
> I'm also learning that some of the indoctrination that I received in 12-step has held me back. I'm not the fragile "powerless" person that I was when I went in. I am powerful. I may not be able to use my substance of choice without dire consequences. Over that I remain powerless. Yet powerlessness is not an excuse to allow myself to not take charge of the rest of my life. I have a great hypnotherapist who is helping me to empower myself.
>
> The 12-steps are necessary for me to get through my addiction and into recovery. Unfortunately the 12-steps are not the solution to all my problems. It's taken me six years in recovery and plenty of sobriety to realize this. Just remember, "Take what you like and leave the rest." That goes double for your sponsor's prejudice against medication that will help you to balance a chemical imbalance in the brain.
>
> Peace and Serenity,
> Simcha. ;-)
poster:MB
thread:78477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010907/msgs/78580.html