Posted by v on August 10, 2001, at 5:48:59
In reply to Re: Art and depression » v, posted by Wendy B. on August 9, 2001, at 12:04:28
i've been in alot of pain... riding the roller coaster that is me... thanks for asking
this topic is just so personal to me... as an artist & and as someone who battles demons, there has always been the fear that if you take away the battle, then what would i say? the answer, of course, is that there is ALWAYS something to say.... my depression has fed & driven my art and it has also starved & deprived me of the only voice i trust... i am an artist whether i like it or not, whether i produce or not, whether i choose it or not... it has chosen me... and i agree that the medium is fluid... that there is artistry in breath and being, just as there is in activity and doing
but knowing these things doesn't make it any easier & right now i am struggling... as an artist, as a human, & as an athlete... which seems to comprise my major triad... i have yet to figure out where my healer fits in, although as i write these words it seems to me that healer is the major classifier of my purpose and the triad is what the purpose is made of... if i were functioning as a human, artist & athlete.. then i would be able to be heal... anyway i'm grateful for the opportunity to be able speak and hear my own words...
it is said that when you reach out and give advise or love or whatever.. you must listen very, very carefully... for the message is for you to hear as well... we all hold the answer & the truth inside ourselves, but we forget... in giving, we remember
i also work in a creative field and sometimes (often) feel completely drained at the end of the day - with my head stuffed from my job and the ideas that come into my head off times are for work rather than for MY work - very frustrating!!!
mickey, i don't know where your work comes from so i can't specifically say what will work for you...but one of the things that has helped me in the past is to get crayons and a drawing pad and sit on the floor & just draw as a child would... draw your feelings of criticism & shame & anger & pain, as well as your joy & laugher & delight - whatever... btw, clay works well too... :)
teaching is a very difficult job, which demands you give alot of yourself to... you may just need to remember to hold something back or take something in (which ever works best for you) so you still have something left to give to yourself...
and it is true that srri's can numb you out which would make it hard to do your work - trial and error with meds will help with that... if you're not feeling like you want to, then change medications
whew... sorry for such a long post, i must have needed to hear alot... :)
with blessings,
v> > wendy, you sound very wise and your words are much appreciated
> >
> > i just had to stick my 2¢ in after reading this post...blessings, v
>
> ******
>
> Thanks, V, you made my day... Haven't heard much from you on the board, how are you doing lately?
>
> more blessings, Wendy
>
>
> ********
>
> > > Mickey,
> > >
> > > Yes, sometimes artists who are also teachers get mixed up and become teachers who do art... Know what I mean? I think the goal is to remember that the painting is the work, the calling, for most people who define themselves as artists.
> > >
> > > That said, you should feel free to NOT paint and have that be ok. No one else is judging you about not painting, I assume. Try not to judge yourself so harshly. I realize if that were so easy, none of us would be depressed or anxious or whatever, but...
> > >
> > > Everyone in my sibling group & my mother, including me, have a theatrical bent, we sing, dance, and tell funny stories. We almost all paint, draw, act, play music, write. Sometimes we have done it for a living, sometimes we have taught in order to pay the bills. It's easier to focus on oneself and one's own growth as an artist, to not teach. It is physically draining, makes it harder to go in the studio when you're tired. Then there are the students themselves, who can drain you emotionally. As a college teacher, I had so many girls who were going to get an abortion, or who were anorexic, or boys who had crushes on me or couldn't finish papers because they had to play a basketball game, or their grandparent died, etc, etc. Each one requires individual attention, and you get involved in their lives and worry about them. You're a human being responding to other humans. That can take its toll on us as well.
> > >
> > > However, the exigencies of life, such as bill-paying, get muddled up with teaching art or writing or acting. And what people do to find the proper balance, for them, is a subject of much debate, as I'm sure you know. There are probably many books on the subject... Go to amazon.com and get yourself a book to read that may have ideas or suggestions.
> > >
> > > So why not just think of this time as a much-needed break from painting, or painter's block, and just leave it at that... If you are in the middle of a depression, just wait this period out. Easy to say, hard to do. But keep those negative critic words away. Don't paint if you can't, it's all OKAY. Give yourself some slack. It's a time of growth. Something positive WILL come out of this period for you, I know it, I have really been there.
> > >
> > > Play guitar, listen to music, go to a local hangout and listen to people play music. Go to some art galleries and museums, try to get yourself out of yourself and enjoy what others have made.
> > >
> > > Give yourself a break. You will get back to your artwork, with the lifting of the depression that the med will give you. Keep looking for the right med if the Celexa doesn't do it, or try a combination of meds. You've only been on the celexa for 2 weeks, give it time...
> > >
> > > You have support here, keep writing to us, that in itself can be very therapeutic.
> > >
> > > :-]
> > > Wendy
> > >
> > >
> > > > I have been an artist and art teacher for many years. Though friends and colleagues have been complimentary about my work (painting) I began to become very critical of my own work and also began to lose enthusiasm for teaching. These feelings and thoughts began to snowball over late spring and summer to the point where I now have stopped painting completely. I begin teaching again in three weeks and am feeling withdrawn. I started celexa two weeks ago and though I am feeling better I still do not wish to paint and dread the idea of going back to work.
> > > >
> > > > I am curious if there are any people out there involved in the arts who have had similar experiences and would like to know if anti-depressants have helped get them back on track. Many people believe that art is a form of therapy but I don't think it works that way for someone who's art is their career.
poster:v
thread:73757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74443.html