Posted by v on July 15, 2001, at 13:15:57
hello eveyone... i'm making myself write this as i have been trying to for some time... i'll try & keep my info down to the most recent to keep this from being too long
i went off my meds sometime last autumn with the usual disastrous results... at the time i was on 20mg ritalin sr, 112.5mg effexor xr and 15mg buspar with valium &/or xanax as needed. my depression was getting worse & i began to hate being dependent on the doctors and the drugs and the whole damn thing!
after spending the winter & much of the spring hovering near suicide, i went back on the meds i had left, went back to therapy and found another pdoc since the last one i had disappeared in august (i showed up for an appointment only to find a note on the door saying the office was closed...i've since discovered that one of the partners committed suicide & that's how it was dealt with)
after the first visit (2 months ago), he "pronounced" me as mostly attention deficit and put me on 18mg concerta, kept my effexor alone, had me drop the buspar & put me on valium. btw, he asked no questions about my meds history, which is quite long. i'm 48yrs old, have ptsd & did, with a history of eating disorders... i'm currently about 25lbs overweight and miserable about it so any med with weight gain side efects is not acceptable
when i went back last month saying i was still depressed he upped the concerta to 36mg, increased the effexor to 150mg, kept the valium & added wellbutrin - 150mg for 4 days then 150mg 2x daily.... but i've only been taking it once as i don't sleep if i take a 2nd dose and taking them together is too much for me (doc's idea not mine)
while i have been quite "stimulated" i have also been a mess... my brain has turned to mush - i now have worse symptoms of add that weren't there before & am still depressed - actually it's more that i am still not functioning - if anything i'm starting to get worse again... frozen in inactivity.... can't go out except when i must - like work - which then takes everything out of me.... i'm just hiding - what good is stimulation if i can't do anything with it? i still have a hard time even brushing my teeth. i was a cyclist before this past bout hit and was just starting to get back on the bike this past month - the last 2 weeks i've had trouble breathing on the bike so i've been riding less & less... i don't know if the breathing problem is anxiety, illness, or med induced.
i have, however, been taking pain killers so i've been wondering what mechanism is being helped by them - they do seem to make me feel alittle better... and yes, i know that self-medicating is not the answer... i'm just trying to fill the holes in me & i do try not to do it too often... certainly i can't take pain killers and ride!
i'm slowly reducing the effexor & am considering dropping it entirely. i am thinking of keeping the concerta & wellbutrin (150 or 300mg) & asking for klonopin... how does this sound? anything else?
any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated... i need to see the pdoc this week
thanks for taking the time reading this... sorry it's so long... i really tried to keep it succinct
v
poster:v
thread:70193
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010714/msgs/70193.html