Posted by Anna Laura on April 9, 2001, at 14:37:47
Hi Everybody!
Please forgive me for my bad english, but it's not my mother tongue: i studied english in high-school and a little bit in College, ( hopefully well enough to make myself understood).
I live in Europe, in the not-always-sunny Northern Italy.
Here's my brief story : hope it won't sound pathetic or self indulgent.
I got depressed when i was twenty-one after two horrible years of severe stress. That was more then ten years ago. Unfortunately, my depression was misdiagnosed and i was prescribed for tranquillizers instead of AD plus i was adviced to follow a psychoanalitic-oriented therapy. The result was that i got worse year by year, until i went psychotic in 1993. I still wonder how i managed to survive that horror. I recovered from the major episode, with the aid of tofranil, (imipramine) but since then I have a pretty invalidating kind of dhystimia. My formal pdoc, a cognitive therapy fanatic, was saying i didn't need medications and that ijust had to be more "positive" : he went on telling me that i was sticking to depression for psychological reasons (I was "protecting myself" from the stress of the outside world with my anhedonia). So my anedhonia/dysthimia went untreated because i trusted him so much (he was the guy who got me out of the psychotic episode), that i didn't even mind questioning his opinions. Needless to say i didn't try any medication.
I just went on blaming myself, kept on telling myself that i could get out of it if i really wanted, or that i was just plain lazy. The situation got even worse in the last three years (not going out, not seeing friends, no joy at all, no sex).
The paradox is that i felt better when i was worse. In 1993 i was psychotic and the horror was always there, but still, i could enjoy simple things like listening to music, or having sex, seeing friends, even go shopping for clothes etc., i was much more indipendent than now and my personality traits were still there on the "surface" (now i barely know who i am) .
The last bout, due to severe, prolonged stress, was six months ago. I never felt so apathetic in my whole life. I couldn't move from the couch, i din't eat anymore. I felt like i was dead.
Thanks god the tofranil started working and i got better but still low-functioning (just managing to do the house-work plus little jobs at home via computer, still anhedonia). The pdoc i was seeing until a few weeks ago suggested to switch the medications, so i went on prozac.I 'm currently taking prozac (started ten days ago with 20 mg. then 40 mg. after a few days) and i lowered the tofranil dose (from 150 mg. down to 50 mg.).The result is that I'm getting worse day by day. I feel like i'm slipping in to that horrible state of mind again. What should i do? Should i go back to the old tofranil dose, or just wait for prozac to start working? Do i need a psychotherapy or should i try medications until i find the one that works for me?
Do i have any hope of recovering and feeling lively again?
Thanks for listening
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:59220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010403/msgs/59220.html