Posted by Jen111111111 on November 15, 2000, at 21:38:14
I'm having overwhelming thoughts...I don't want to do it. I have a good life. I just can't get past this depression. I have horrible thoughts. My father was murdered 3 years ago. Some bitch set him on fire. This is when it all started. It was horrible. He lived for a week after the fact. That made it even worse. I saw him in the burn unit and completly broke down. They even spelled his name wrong (strange how we notice things). Numerous things...seeing him so swollen, burned, in pain. I hadn't spoken to him in 10 years prior. He left us and I completey shut him off. I feel guilt for not contacting him. But, he gave us up... He went into convulsions when I spoke to him. I had to endure the court system. Thankfully she is in jail for life. I was in college at the time. My professors pretty much passed me without thought. The worst part was when my aunt (his sister) had him cremated. Finished it off.
I need help....can't get past this. I'm on Effexor, Not a high enough dose. I love my life, but am consumed with thoughts of death.
poster:Jen111111111
thread:48879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001115/msgs/48879.html