Posted by dove on August 3, 2000, at 16:08:59
In reply to That other thing!!, posted by NikkiT2 on August 3, 2000, at 9:05:51
Greg, are you bipolar, or some combo of anxiety-depression? I have a medium sized history of self-medication w/ illicit substances and there was one that really messed with both my anxiety and depression and that was MJ. Talk about paranoia and panic attacks, talk about finding life hopelessly worthless. A little bit initially gave me a warm relaxed feeling, but that soon wore off, leaving something very ugly, and a strong desire to do a little bit more again, and again. I tried pumping up the amount to cover longer periods of time, but that caused the same negative-ugly symptoms only amplified.
Does anyone remember how dull, colorless, boring, lethargic and stifled everything seemed when straight? Leaving the MJ and walking the straight line was like checking out of life in general. I despised that feeling, as if life was so boring and colorless that I needed a drug to paint it vibrant. Anxiety was strongly in place a mere 20-30 minutes afterwards. And only intensified as the hours wore on. Depression, what can I say, ugly and unmanagable, the only reason I didn't do something about any of these feelings was because I was too darn lazy. How could I get off the couch and organize a riot, or a jump into the netherworld for that matter. So, if the doc is looking for something to physically slow you down, this would be the one to try. But... If your doc is looking for something to soothe anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, this may be a bad choice.
MJ turns the heat up under anxiety in a significant manner, both in intensity and frequency, and I cannot emphasize this enough. It really did a number on me, I was a social butterfly, everyone knew me, I was wanted at every party, every social gathering, I had so many friends (and as a teenager boyfriends), only to find myself unable to leave the house, ride in cars with someone else driving, meet new people, and unable to fellowship with family or friends under almost any circumstances.
Also the spiritual aspect of MJ makes me leery (and not Timothy), it's like opening a door to your soul, and I don't want to open a door, a window would be much better, with iron bars and grates to keep out the demons. I think many people underestimate the legitimacy of spirit and soul, and the unseen immaterial world. For me, MJ definitely has the power to make me extremely vulnerable, opening many many doors that should remain closed, locked, and mortared (not the shelled kind but the cement kind.) shut, permanently.
Just some light thoughts :-) My best wishes and love I send to thee ((Greg))
dove
p.s. Digesting MJ (though food and stuff) does have a different "flavor" than inhaled, and increased anxiety is a big one. Same goes for hash.
poster:dove
thread:41918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/42113.html