Posted by Angela5 on June 18, 2000, at 15:15:31
In reply to Re: Adrafinil - Angela, Andrew, John - IMPORTANT, posted by JohnL on June 18, 2000, at 5:27:17
John -
Thanks for all the suggestions. However, I think that somewhere along the line there's been some confusion. I am on short-term disability for work, which makes finances almost impossible due to living expenses. However, I do have a pdoc (although he is on vacation all this next week), and I have very good insurance/prescription insurance (as long as I'm still with this job), so I'm not limited in that way.
I am diagnosed with atypical major depression, as well as something that is either bipolar or ADD. My pdoc thinks it is atypical bipolar (no manic episodes) and not ADD, since I did okay except for impulsivity on this weird computer test that they do to diagnose (letters fall down the screen at different rates, and you press the spacebar when there's an X - this lasts about 5 min.). He knows better than I do, I realize, but the symptoms seem more like ADD to me. I am inattentive. I can pay attention in an interactive conversation, but if someone is speaking, ie a lecture, a meeting, a class, even church, even if I find it interesting, I cannot force myself to focus attention no matter how hard I try. I have writer's block on practically everything (especially technical/work documents, even easy ones) to the point that I can't manage to figure out a single sentence, and don't know how to start in more ways than one. When I read, esp. something at all dry, I forget what was on one page the second I turn to the next one. I have to keep going over and over things, and looking back constantly for the same information. It becomes even more awful, as pages and chapters build on each other and I don't have a clue. I comprehend what I'm reading as I read it, I just can't retain it. Reading/Studying and also technical editing/writing are 3/4 of my job - you can imagine how frustrating this is (esp. the reading). It's like you know you have the mental capability to succeed, but your brain won't let you. It got to the point of such frustration that it became frustrating to even think about trying, and to even be in that environment. It began to feel pointless to go to work. I'm sure that's not helped by me not really liking my career, but there was more to this. This was originally why I went to this pdoc in Feb. I was on 60 mg/day of Prozac, which seemed to be working a bit less even though the dosage had been increased earlier in the year. ---See my posts on "Prozac to Serzone/Ritalin to Celexa to Effexor XR" for the drug history recently --- At least I was partially functional then, though - I feel much worse now, I'm completely non functional. Like I said in my second post in the thread I just mentioned, the pdoc thinks there is a drug better than prozac for me, and he's probably right - but what to do? This is so much worse.Thanks,
Angela
poster:Angela5
thread:37644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000610/msgs/37705.html